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eating disorder
i was going through questions and i saw somewhere you wrote that you had/have/are getting over an eating disorder
about a month and a half ago i was just discharged from a hospital's eating disorder unit because i reached 90% of my ideal weight
lately idk though, ive just been having a lot of problems with it, im still restricting what i eat, and for weigh ins i put weights in my pockets to make it seem higher. and im struggling to figure out if recovery is what i really want, or if its just what everyone else wants for me
basically i dont think this is really a question, but i find it pretty inspiring to hear other people's stories. like how old they were when they got it, what they think was the cause, what kind of treatment, do they still get the thoughts, how long it took them to fully recover, how others around you dealt with it, if you told your friends, etc.
if you wouldnt mind sharing id love to hear whatever youd have to say
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I would love to talk with you about my eating disorder. You are welcome to write back if you want to, as well.
It started when I was 16 years old, although I can remember always being really body conscious and thinking I was fat. Something just must have triggered it then, although I don't exactly know what. Anyway, I started by really restricting and losing weight, then I started purging as well. I never binged, but when I ate normal amounts I would feel guilty and try to purge it.
I still get the thoughts that I used to, but I try to put them out of my mind and now they are coming back less and less. I try to think about other things, kind of making a compromise with my body. I used to think that being really thin would make me happy, but looking back the ED messed everything up. Really, when I think about it, I just wanted to be happy with my body and how I looked. I thought being thin would do that. However, I have found that just generally loving yourself and being at peace with yourself is the only true way to accomplish it.
Many people with eating disorders are perfectionists. Sometimes we say that if we made a mistake, it would be okay, but when we actually do make the mistake we are really disappointed in ourselves. What I have been working on now is just trying to forgive myself for making mistakes. And also it is important to recognize what is a mistake and what isn't. Not doing perfectly well on something isn't a mistake.
Writing this I feel slightly hypocritical because I still get disappointed in myself when I don't do something exactly as I wanted to, but like I said I am working on it. I am not completely recovered yet. I think that the important thing is to have perseverance. That will come in handy a lot more than a thin body or doing something perfectly. Being willing to work to get healed will be something that will help you throughout life and will get your through anything.
It is hard to recover from eating disorders because everyone is different and there can be so many different causes in just one person. One of my struggles is seeing people who are thinner than me. It is hard to make myself believe that it is okay and healthy to be above their weight. I try to avoid that and other triggers, although it is sometimes impossible. Most people with eating disorders still struggle with the thoughts long after they recover. The important thing is not to act on them and to find things to like about yourself. When you are truly at peace with yourself you no longer feel the need to do things that will hurt yourself.
You mentioned that you don't know if recovery is what you really want. You really need to want it for yourself, otherwise you will just go through the motions only to slip back later. You are imprisoned by your eating disorder, by restricting, by constantly thinking about what you look like. Ask yourself if you want to be free.
Here is a support site that I go on everyday for many different things. Everyone is really supportive and I highly suggest that you check it out: dailystrength.org
This is really getting long now, so I'm going to stop. However, I welcome you to write back anytime you want. :) Take care.
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