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stuck in love?
firstly i'm 17 and im a guy.
Well, I went out with a girl about a year ago (october 2007). She was the perfect girl for me i swear. After 25 days she decided to end the relationship with me. I couldn't take it at all. Then a few months went on and she started going out with another guy, damn I was heartbroken, I couldn't get over her no matter what. Then after a while I THOUGHT I got over her, and then she became my really close friend, and all the feelings came back. One day I just couldn't keep it in and I told her how I felt, she never felt the same way. It felt good to let it out, but now, I'm still thinking I'm in love with her. Again, she's going out with someone now. She's still my close friend, but everytime I talk to her I feel the pain, but I don't want to lose my friendship with her by making things even more awkward. Please help soon!.
Thanks a lot!
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arr.
It wont stop hurting until you move on. From her. Entirely.
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Ok. I'm going to offer you a perspective. Hers.
So, you dated for 25 days. Thats not THAT long. Not long enough for the year of infatuation and re-confessed love.
Ok. So heres the thing. When a girl tells you "I just don't feel the same way" it means you killed it. You notice she specified "I don't feel the same way YOU do" she didn't tell you that she didn't like you or wasnt attracted to you at all. I mean, you dated for almost a month.
She was interested, and it stopped.
More than likely what happened is you just fell head over heels. The movies make it seem like this is a common, every day occurrence. Its not. Most women take time.
Heres the thing. Women place more emphasis on emotion than men do. So, when you love her and she isnt sure, she feels a ton of pressure to feel the same way you do. She knows that if SHE loved YOU and you didn't feel the same way she'd be devastated.
Plus, she knows how you feel. She doesn't have to get to know you better to figure it out. The mystery is gone. And girls like mystery.
Basically, you require no work. Few people truly want a relationship handed to them on a silver platter. It doesnt sit right, because most people have at least the unconscious gut level knowledge that perfect never lasts.
So you come along. You offer her love without her even having to work for it. If a girl is able to understand why she doesn't like that, she would usually say its something like "He doesn't know me, but he loves me. What does he love? Certainly not who I actually am."
Some general guidelines.
Calling, texting, etc needs to be watched. Don't call or text her more than twice without leaving a message and waiting to hear from her. If theres a very good reason for it, 4 text messages can be cute, or normal. If every time she wakes up she has more than once voicemail or seven texts, its not cute anymore.
2 calls and a voicemail, or a text, a call and a voicemail absolute maximum. If you don't hear from her by the time you go to sleep, wait until several hours after you both should have been awake to text you.
It should be important, but not urgent. If its urgent, your texts and voicemails should reflect that.
Basically, you don't want to give the impression that she's all you can think about before you're all SHE can think about.
The L word. Love at 2 months at the earliest unless she says it first. Why? Because she wants to know, and until you say it to her she is trying to figure it out. Especially once she's starting to think she loves you.
My policy for new relationships, treat her like you love her, say nothing.
Gifts. Don't spend what she might consider to be a large amount of money on anything until you've been together several months and she has a birthday or something.
Before that, small things. A small, inventive, unexpected gift every once in a while is a great idea.
You've got to plan this out more. Headgames, though often a pain in the ass, are necessary. Girls thrive on them, and if you are a guy who presents a puzzle in some way you've got a much better shot.
Thats what I'm thinking happened, you came on too strong for her. Cool it a little, and play it out a little, and you might find better successes.
Also, just to hammer the other point home, shes gone, and its only going to hurt, so the sooner you get over everything and truly let her go, and date other people, the better.
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