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I'm killing my relationship with my sister
My sister and I were never best friends until five years ago, before she went into high school. I showed her how to use makeup and how to make friends. She was always the skinny one and she started growing long legs that my mum's friends commented on being "killer legs". I introduced her to her first "popular" friend and gave her the first taste of alcohol. These days, we joke about how I kind of "created" her and she agrees. Unfortunately, I think I've created a monster.
First, I need to let you guys know that we're both Pakistani. No one in my family is religious but we are "officially" muslim. This is more of a cultural than a religious thing but a lot of it is common sense: don't wear clothes that are too revealing, don't drink and don't screw around with boys.
This all started when I realized a few months ago that she was using me. She's sixteen. I used to buy her French Connection jackets, food and boot for her all the time. I realized that whenever I'd ask her to come shopping with me, she'd make an excuse- either homework or that she had other plans. In fact, even though I used to drive her to school and back everyday, she wasn't really doing anything for me at all.
My cousin is getting married in Pakistan in the spring and I asked my sister to do the dance with me. She was very reluctant. She even had to fight our parents because she didn't want to go (last time we visited was in 2005, we had moved to Canada in 1999 when she was 7). But eventually she was defeated and she decided to do it. She was very reluctant every time I asked her to do it.
A little while later, we had a fight where I didn't talk to her for five days. She eventually asked me to tell her what was wrong. I told her that she was ungrateful for everything she had (I asked her what her favourite posession was and she couldn't come up with an answer even though she has designer clothes and my dad bought her a new computer for her own use), she didn't appreciate me, she took everything I did for her for granted etc. She cried about it and said she would change but I figured she wouldn't. She didn't. The next day she was back to her usual, "You're driving me to my appointment, right" "Umm what appointment" or "You're driving me to school, right?"
After our fight, she stopped and a month later, after waiting for her to approach me (my mother hinted at her to talk to me about it), I told her that we were doing the dance whether she liked it or not. So we did the dance for once night and the next night, she said she couldn't.
Last night, after picking her up from work, I told her we were going to do the dance. She told me she was too tired. I told her we were still going to do it and she should tell me what time (It was 9:00 at night). When we got home, I was trying to ask her again and she walked away from me. When I asked her a third time, she was on the phone and started walking away when I told her to stop and she said we'd do it after she ate (I knew she wouldn't because she never dances after she eats). After this, she recruited my dad to approach me and let her go to "sleep" (she doesn't usually sleep till 11:30 at night). I waited and waited, she never came down to dance.
So I got really pissed, I sent her a text and told her she was an idiot because she never realized that the worst thing I could do for her -wasn't- to stop driving her around and that our parents would learn some really interesting stuff about her over the week. I figured she would at least try to talk to me about it. She didn't.
Now, I have a lot on my sister and she doesn't have too much on me (she does a little bit, I did used to boot for her after all). She drinks, goes to parties my mother has forbidden her to go to, was drunk the night her iPhone was lost, she has gotten increasingly vain (she thinks she wants to be a model) and makes fat jokes about me.
I wake up this morning and she has deleted her facebook to stop me from looking at her photos. I called my mom and she said she got a text message from her, telling her that they needed to talk.
So I called my mum and explained this entire situation to her (didn't tell her about all the things that my sister has been doing) but I did tell my mom to ask her where she had been on Halloween (she told my mum she was going to a friend's but she was actually about 2 hours away in a few towns from here at her friend's boyfriend's drug-dealing friend's house (this friend is 25 years old). All my sister replied was "I'll talk to you after school". I also told my mum about one of the comments she made about me: I fell on the ground once and my sister said "at least you have lots of padding".
Just so you guys know, my sister was really sweet and considerate before but now I'm afraid that my parents and I have ruined her. So my problem is that:
1. I've betrayed her trust and I never should have. She'll never speak with me again.
2. My parents won't care and she'll keep doing it.
3. She will talk it all away.
EIther way, I feel really terrible now. I'm so torn up about this. I always hate conflict with my friends and family :(
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
First of all, I know exactly how you feel. I have had situations and yet I still do where I help other's and don't get the appreciation I deserve.
I know that in the future she will look back and appreciate everything you did for her, trust me on that one. For now she is young she feels she can do it all and doesn't see why she is where she is. Let her be the person she is , sometimes we have to learn to understand life.
About the dance, don't force it. Ask her do you want to be in it, yes or no? If she says "NO" then be upfront with her and tell her well if you can say NO to me about a insignificant thing like this then I can definitely say NO to you when you ask me to drive you around. Explain to her that you help her and you feel she should help you too.
A relationship with a sister is very tough but at the end she is your sister. Try to be patient and understand that she is at a young age when you feel you can conquer it all.
I am here if you need my help.
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