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moving fast
i'm a female and i've been dating this amazing guy since late early august, which would make it four months. he is is a really great guy and he treats me like a queen. He is alwayz telling me how amazing i am and how much he loves being with me. Its great you know since i've never really been in a relationship that had someone treat me so well. He was the first to say i love you and i was surprised by that. He is a very sensative man. very sensative. But here is the deal we've only been dating four months and he's talking about marrage and children. I was so spastic in the situation and so completly vunerable at the moment that i agreed to it all. but now that im begining to think aobut everything. i think its moving way to fast. Don't get me wrong i love him to death but i'm not in love with him yet. i don't want to ruin things by moving things to fast. i know i have to say something but with hime being so sensative i don't know how to break it to him without crushing him
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I'm a 49 year old married man and I take issue with a guy who is talking marriage and children after 4 months. I realize that is not something your saying in your letter, but it should be. I've always said, "loving people is easy, it's liking them that takes time". I don't want to correct you, but it seems to me that that is what you are saying, you like him, but your not sure whether that the degree that you like him is strong enough yet and I ask, should it be?
Four months is not enough time to get to the guts of another person, much less into their heads. It's very important that you know the person your going to marry thinks the same way you do in many ways. How are you going to raise your children, are you going to raise them yourselves, or let someone else do it, (day care). Will they go to church and which one, are just a few of the question you need to know.
You also need to know, does he just give lip service, or do they back up their words in their deeds. This kind of thing is rarely seen in a 4 month period, when the couple is still on their best behavior. It is seen only when you become comfortable with each other.
You know, your question about how to tell him is seen so often. People are so worried about hurting other people's feelings. I have to ask, how strong can a relationship be if you can't be honest with each other? So I will tell you how to start it off.
Tell him you don't want to start out what could be a life long relationship being anything but honest, even if it means hurt feelings. Both of you have to be sure that this is the one that lasts a life time and that means taking the time to make sure that you really know each other and that takes more then 4 months. Courtship is a lengthy process and you want to make sure that the two of you are capable of becoming one in mind and body, because if you can't, you don't want to be at odds with him the rest of his life. This can not be forced, only time will reveal if your spirits can become intertwined and survive the tribulations to come. So let us not talk of a future yet to be seen, let's see if we can become best friends on our journey together, then we will speak of marriage and all that will come with it.
How's that?
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oh, wow, that's cute, but i understand how you feel, and look just say to him "look i really love you but i dont want to move to fast into this whole thing its only been 4months and all of this is WAY to early for us" and he should understand, and there's no way out of this without talkinq to him about it, everyone said it to me before COMMUNICATION is the 1st thinq you need in a relationship, and if your scared just wait a little but not TOO long because that can make things worse, and dont try to drop and leave it alone, because someone said to me once "if you truely love someone you would do anything for that person" and its true, you basically have to communicate with that person.
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