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Cowardice of Break Up
Kendrea, I am in love with a wonderful guy named L. But I have a boyfriend named A. I knew I was in love with L before I dated A, but I didn't know that L would actually grow to love me back. He finally did when I started dating A. I have never loved A at all in a romantic way, but a very close bond like friends. The love I feel for L is incredible, we have so much in common yet so much difference. I used to love A in a romantic way but it changed over the past year or so and went back to just friendly love. I could live without A, but I cannot truly live and be happy without L in my life. I am A's world, and I don't have enough courage to break up with him and tell him I'm in love with someone else. Please help me. I'm unsure as what to do. If I want to be truly happy, I know I have to rid of my boyfriend A but I'm so afraid of hurting him like all his ex's did.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Look at it this way, are you going to marry him to avoid hurting his feelings? Spend the rest of your life with him to make sure he doesn't get hurt? Doom him to a life where his girlfriend never loves him the way he loves her?
Would you want to be so in love with your boyfriend and stay with him if he were in love with another girl and was only with you out of pity?
Try using that logic to end things. Tell him you have realized your love for him is as a friend and always has been, you just didn't know it at first. Tell him because of that you don't want to date anymore and you'll know he'll find someone else. Don't let the breakup take longer than 20 minutes and don't tell him about the other guy.
Let him know you think it's best to not be friends right now or in each other's life so you can both move on.
Give it a grace period of a month to re-adjust to not being A's girlfriend and then date L-- slowly and privately.
Make sure to fight the temptation to be A's friend while he gets over you. So long as you're active in his life he never will and then he'll be unhappy, which is not what you want.
I've had to break up with a man I felt a loving friendship for. It's hard but you can do it. Keep it simple and don't hold him or comfort him physically. It'll have to happen in one shot, coming off like a bandaid.
Love sometimes (often) hurts. No one can ever avoid it. And most relationships aren't meant forever. You're not doing anything wrong. Good luck.
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