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not confident around him.
18 years old, female. i really like my best friend. he understands me, he would never do anything to hurt me. i'll admit, i do have my bad days and my moments, but he puts up with it and acts like it doesn't phase him. when i see him though, i feel so..ugly. like i'm not good enough for him, or pretty enough. i get myself ready and try to look cute but i'm never happy with how i look. some days i will like the way i look but whenever i'm going to see him, i don't feel pretty. he has seen me with my with my hair a mess and when i'm in a sweatshirt, and he still continues to talk to me, and hug me, and hold my hand. i'm amazed that he still talks to me and wants to hang out and maybe even "be with me" when he see's me at my worst days. why do i feel like this? i feel like he deserves better than me, like he can find a prettier girl that me. when i hang out with other guys, im so confident with myself though, but when i'm with him things change. i'm so self-conscious but really it doesn't seem like he cares what i look like. sometimes i say things that don't make sense, and he just laughs at me but doesn't judge me. when i'm with him he stares at me, but i don't want him to because i feel like he is staring at my imperfections. what's wrong with me? why do i feel like this. i've never had an ACTUAL boyfriend before. when guys like me, i seem to always push them away. i dont know what to do
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The reason you act this way is because hes become a variable in your natural equation. Your use to guys judging you or whatever, but because hes not doing that the change in everything is different. Maybe because your use to other people caring, or your use to having to complain about how your not pretty today and its your worst hair day and you have so little make up and people noticing this and being slightly affected by this. But because he isn't its making you uncomfortable. Now, I'm not saying this is a bad thing, I actually admire the guy for acting that way. You, however, should understand that we are who we are because of our imperfections. He isn't seeing you for what you make yourself look like on the outside, hes paying more attention to who you are on the inside. Though you might not know anyone who usually does this, you should admire him as well for the fact he like you for who you are and not what you look like. Those are the kind of people you can almost always count on when no one seems to want to listen to you or acknowledge you.
What you make with him is up to you, but overall, just know you can be yourself around him and don't need to be self-conscious. Every body thinks a certain person deserves something better, but people like him see that they have everything they need in what they have. You are part of what he has, and he wants nothing more really than what comes about.
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