|
Very long.
I've been with my boyfriend for 3 & a half years in December. We love each other a lot and have fun when we're together, but sometimes I'm way too insecure about our relationship. Keep in mind these are just small things that don't affect our relationship on a daily basis, and that he is somewhat shy, and is much less mature than I am.
Recently, a friend of ours got engaged to her boyfriend of 5 years or so. So we were talking about it and I asked if he had ever thought about proposing/getting engaged. He answered no. This kind of hurt my feelings, considered we began college this year and I figured some thought of that sort would have at least run through his mind at some point if he was really serious about loving me "more than anything, forever & ever."
Also, his mother drives me insane. She still controls most of his life. His sister plays high school volleyball, and she makes him go to a lot of her games. He's 19 & we're in college- he has many other committments. Thing is, he doesn't oppose this. He is quite a "mommy's boy" and doesn't ever do anything to upset her. It's like neither of them can let go of the fact that he's becoming an adult.
I also am insecure about the way he tells/shows me his feelings. Like, if he says "I love you more than anything forever and ever" (our usual goodbye phrase) too fast, it bothers me. And if we're texting and he just puts "ily!", it also bothers me. And if I kiss him on the cheek and I expect a kiss back and don't get it, I feel kinda of hurt. When I tell him I miss the cute things we used to do, nothing changes that much, or if it does, it only lasts a few days. I can't stand that I'm like this, but I can't help it, either.
Don't get me wrong, I love him. He means the world to me and we have so many amazing memories. But sometimes these things just make me so insecure about our relationship and I can't help but compare us to other couples. Since it's been 3.5 years, we're quite past the 'infatuation phase' and some of the spark is gone, even though he does make an effort now and then to be cutesy. There are a few other things I could name that bother me about him/our relationship, but it all comes down to his personality/just the way he is, which I don't want to change. But I can't help but wonder, would I be happier with a more mature guy? If he doesn't think about marrying me someday, aren't I just wasting my time? I don't even exactly know what I'm asking, haha. I just need some advice.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
i think i can help you on this one. my best friend has been going out with his girlfriend for three years, they're only seniors in high school its crazy. he tells me a lot about their relationship, and what he's thinking because he feels i am the only one he can talk to about it and will understand. so this is what he's told me before. he's told me that he doesn't feel the need to be "cute" with her anymore like he use to and doesn't feel like he needs to impress her anymore. he said he doesn't need to be like, "baby you look really cute today" just things like that. he says that he is feeling like he is trapped, and he wants to go out and do other things but his girlfriend always wants to hang out and he feels bad saying no, so he does. i think everyone who has been going out for a while, loses their spark. you need to be the one to spice it up, if you're boyfriend isn't going to. maybe it did freak him out that you started talking about getting married because he feels like he's still young and has stuff to accomplish. i know that my friends brother and his now fiance were going out two years, and he proposed to her but they're not getting married until two more years because she want's to be done with college and everything. ask him what his intentions are. tell him you don't know what you're feeling and tell him you feel like you're putting all the effort into this, and you want to know what the future holds for you two, if anything. sweetie, COMMUNICATION is really important. i'm sure you will have no problem talking to him about it, you have been going out for three and a half years. well i hope i helped at least a little bit, you know i'm always open to help people in any way i can. best of luck to the both of you! ♥ LU
]
He can only become an adult if he wants too.
And if he wants to be an adult with close ties, even creepy close ties to his family, that is his right.
You ARE insecure, and that is your problem as much, if not more, then it is his. Because if can't learn to help it, even a bit, YOU are going to keep being miserable, and eventually, you'll make him miserable too. Getting wounded at the ‘slights’ you describe here, is an absolute affection-vacuum.
I agree with you at least on one thing: After three years if a guy doesn't see spending his life with you, even a little, it's a bit of a waste if that is what you are looking for.
But it's not fair to him to try and determine his who life-plan based on one answer to one question at one time. A question he might not have even realized was important to you. You need to be more direct, and ask a few pointed questions. You don’t need to demand a ring, that is going to far, but it’s fair to know what’s on his mind for the next few years, and if he wants the wife, two kids and the collie, or if he sees something very different.
You wont know until you ask.
]
More Questions: |