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Animal Ive become
I don't like who I am or What ive become....2 years ago I had gotten out of a really bad physically and emotionally abusive relationship....I was engaged at 18 with the guy I had lost my virginity to and found out he had cheated on me the entire 2 years we had been together! since I was 16! He treated me like shit, and I had to move out of his apartment and back in with my mom. He told me that he had cheated on me with numerous girls and that everytime he went to a party he hooked up with someone! And he went to ALOT of parties....I asked him how many girls and he said he lost track after 20. Needless to say I got tested, but I was so hurt from what he did, I have never been the same since...I'm a bitter brutally honest person and I now live in a different city and own my own place and everything seems to be fine except that I cant trust anyone. And even worse...I feel like I turned into him. Ive been playing guys and lying to the ones that cared about me, Lets just say I haven't been faithful to a guy since him, I just assume they are doing the same thing...and even worse.. I dont feel guilty for it. Some people say OH your 20 and your young and its not like your married while others think im messed up. Its not like I want to be this way, but Ive dated 3 guys since him and cheated on all of them. And I'm talking to this guy from work now and he really likes me, but last night I hooked up with one of my exes that I just recently started hanging out with...and the funny thing is theres no future with me and him at all...he's going to leave and be active soon because he enlisted...hes dedicated like 20 years of his life to the military which is why we never worked out to begin with, but I just felt like I had to see him again...the guy from work is so nice, so sweet and ALWAYS wants to be around me...its almost...too perfect, too nice, hes great to be with emotionally, but my military ex has the whole bad boy routine going on with him, hot and cocky and it can be real hard to resist...and the truth is...I dont know what I want...Im just plain screwed up and sometimes I think Im just like my ex fiance that treated me like dirt, the one that broke me, and i dont think i ever got fixed, because I feel no pain or regret from what I put other people through....so...any comments on this situation are welcome...thanks
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I don't exactly agree with the "suck it up" advice on anything. But, if it works for you that's great.
Here is my 2 cents. Unfortenatly girl, a lot of people go through a lot of bad relationships. You have to know that you are definitely not alone.
I dated a guy that was my first for many things, and we were "together" for about 2 years... I later found out that I was a bet between him and his friends to see how long it would take him to sleep with me, and the 2 years we were "dating" he was cheating on me.
So, I can honestly relate to what your going through. It's been two years since everything happened. He told me he "fell in love, with the girl of his dreams" and bought her a ring and everything. He blamed me for so many things that weren't my fault and said I was a terrible girlfriend and deserved what he did to me. So, I became just as bitter, assuming all guys do is lie to get in your pants and cheat behind your back.
But sweetie, you can't let this guy get the best of you. He is scum, you didn't deserve anything that he did to, and it's hurt you a lot.
It's not okay what you've been doing, but I would suggest that you stop cheating. Stay in OPEN relationships with guys for a while and make that clear to all the guys you meet. Take time for you and focus on yourself and learn who you are and feel comfortable in your own skin again before you try to be with someone else in a closed, commited relationship.
It'll work out because you can have the open-ness your needing, and you'll also be making life about you, and learning how to be happy again... And eventually, the right guy will come along that'll make it seem all better. Don't regret what you've done, but just stop doing it from now on. You've obviously realzied it's not right. Now, it's time for you to do something about it. I wish you the best and I hope this helped a little. You're not a bad person or anything of the sort by the way, boys just have the effect on women when they break our hearts. But now it's just time for you to stop giving him that satisfaction. Cuz your an awesome person, and I know that even without meeting you. I need to, to know your better then all of those things and he's a loser. All the best. =)
Ava
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i semi felt that way.. let me tell you a little about me so you understand and ill tell you how i fixed it..
my son's father cheated on me with a girl i hated.. he and i broke up little bit later when my son was 6 months old i dated a guy and a lived with him for the whole time we were together (6 months) his cousin was the girl my sons father cheated on me with.. he and i broke up in dec.. febuary 2nd we "got back together" i slept with him.. i cooked and set up his birthday at a hall that night he took me and my son home kissed me good night and told me how much he loved me.. his girlfriend called me the following day.. i was in post partum depression and then another type of depression i forgot the name. was on meds it made it worse. i ended up best friends with that girl dated her boyfriends cousin. well needless to say he stole money from me and we broke up.. well i been away from him since april? and moved to missouri( i lived in ohio) got a job starting college and i meet the man of my dreams.. i hope.. start over that's all i can tell you or like the person below basically said suck it up..
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just accept the way u are and anyone that makes fun of you punch them in the face
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