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Obsession with Curiosity
I'm a 16 year old female. I've always had an obsession with curiosity, but it hasn't become apparent to me until the past year or so. Every odd thing people can be into, I need to research, whether or not I agree with their views. This ranges from sexual preferences, to religious preferences (why people choose Satanism over Christianity), to reasons for cutting and suicide. The more I research to find myself, the more I find that I have problems. No one else thinks the ways I do. I feel like a lost outcast. I cut when I feel depressed to find myself. I think it makes me feel like I have control over my life. But every time I cut, the deeper it gets. And every time I more seriously consider suicide. I need help.
I can't even talk to my parents about it. They're so judgmental, they'd mark me as a lunatic. There's no possible way for me to get a psychologist, although I know I should get one. I don't need reasons on why not to do suicide, I need reasons to feel like I'm not alone. I need to find out my problem to cure myself of it. Bluntly, I just feel so lost, and I need help.
Thank you.
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Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
There is nothing wrong with curiosity.
Are you going to find yourself by doing
all this research? No, probably not. You
will have more knowledge about the pros
and cons of things, which may help you
decide how you feel about something
yourself.
If you have researched at all about cutting
and suicide, you should know that isn't the
way to go if you want a healthy life.
You do need to talk to someone about your
feelings A counselor would be the best way.
You could just stop researching. That is an
option. You could also join a debate team
and put your knowledge to good use.
There is really no reason for you to feel
like an outcast. Because you don't just
jump on the bandwagon with everyone else,
taking popular opinion as the only answer
to things, you study it. In my book that
just makes you a better informed person.
Nothing to be depressed about.
There is also no reason for you to feel
you have to make a decision on how you
feel about any subject right now. People
grow and change all the time. You may
feel one way about something today and
do a total flip in a couple of months.
Thats ok to do!
Just remember you are constantly changing.
You won't find yourself in hunting for
knowledge. That knowledge may help you
though, in becoming the person you want to
be.
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I suggest that you don't try and research everything which comes your way, because by the sounds of it, it's doing more harm than good.
I would also suggest that you talk to a school counsellor, if yours has one, or to a teacher. NOT to a friend, because the only thing which they can do is to just tell a teacher or their parents about it and then that'll just make things more complicated. With a school counsellor, they keep all that you talk about private unless it is life threatening. They can really listen to anybody and be very helpful and just talk with you.
Of course no one else thinks the way that you do: everybody thinks differently, we're all different. True, there are some cases where that person thinks along the same lines, but not exactly the same.
I think that your problem is that you read things, and then get depressed because you're not exactly like that or you're like that and you just cut yourself.
So, cliff notes version:
Go and talk to a counsellor and see what he/she says (they're usually free) and take it to the next step.
I hope this helped,
triquetra
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