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Losing Interest.
I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half now. He's 15, and I'm 14. Lately, it seems like he is loosing interest in me. He is in AP classes, on the soccer team, and in band. I feel like I'm never at the top of his list of priorities anymore. I need a cute but fun way to spice things up and get him more interested. Maybe if we have sex, he'll be excited about me again? I'm not really sure what to do. Help?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Sex is not going to solve your problem at all. It, most likely, will only worsen things. It did for me when I was your age.
You see, I was dating this guy for awhile when I was your age. He seemed nice and I thought I loved him. He seemed to care about me, or so I thought. A little ways into the relationship we started to have sex. You THINK sex will bring you closer, but it doesn't at all, especially if you're too young to handle the situation in a mature way. He became extremely aggressive. Sure, he was more "interested in me"--but he wasn't really. He didn't care about WHO I was or WHAT I was--but he wanted to control every second of my life. He seemed normal when we started going out but shortly after we had sex he became insane. He started calling me non-stop just to say, "Are you home?" before hearing me answer and hanging up. He got angry when I talked to friends. I wasn't "allowed" to leave my house unless I confirmed it with him and he accepted it. I could not make ANY of my own decisions and I simply was not allowed to communicate with anyone other than my mother, father, and him. It wasn't so great. I was stuck. I was scared.
You see, sex brings about a whole new handful of worries. You worry about condoms and if they broke. You worry if you took the pill on time. You worry if that 2 minutes without a condom mattered. You worry if you'll want to do it and find you don't have condoms. You worry he will leave you. You worry you might be pregnant at 14. You worry about way too many things.
See, married couples simply do not have the problems that other sexual partners do. Married couples never fear they're being used or will be left. They're able to open up and tell each other what they desire without fear. They know that if a pregnancy happens that they will get through it together with each other's support. They also aren't fearful of catching an STD from their partner because they know they're their only partner. Both partners tend to be fully satisfied because they're able to communicate well with each other and they're able to feel emotionally secure.
I'm really proud of you two that you haven't given into peer pressure for over a year, but I must ask--why do you think sex is going to magically mend something that is breaking?
You two should be making lasting memories that you can share when you're 80. Memories that you'll look back and be able to tell grand-children, "I remember when your grandfather and I..."
The first time is not going to feel good for the woman. It hardly ever does. The problem is this:
If your relationship NEEDS sex to prove love, or spice things up, then sex is going to break the relationship. Sex is not what people claim it is and that's why many people sleep around. Those people sleeping around are looking for that oh-so-wonderful sex they were told about and figure it must come along somewhere.
I know people who have broken up with boyfriends/girlfriends because the sex wasn't good. Seriously. I am not kidding. I have heard of many people saying how in love they are, but after having sex they become obsessed with sex and end up breaking up because the love fades off and all that is there is desire.
Sex can break a couple sometimes and I'm sure you don't want that. I've seen couples break up because they just weren't compatible in the bed (someone was too shy, someone had a kink, someone didn't like something the other loved, etc). Those couples made too big of a deal out of it. They wanted sparks to fly and for it to be special and perfect and when it wasn't what they expected they were highly disappointed.
Seriously, please reconsider.
Think of the serious consequences that your relationship may end up having to go through if you begin engaging in sex. One of these is pregnancy costs, scares, expenses:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
One of the risks to put your relationship through is STDs/STIs, which people CAN be BORN with (YES, virgins may have STDs too!):
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
How could you forgive a partner for transmitting an STD to you? How could you get over getting pregnant and giving birth to a mentally ill child? What happens if the relationship gets rocky and a pregnancy occurs--what happens then? There are too many factors that will add a load of pressure on you relationship, and could break it down in a matter of days.
I feel sad that a lot of the teenagers now won't have a "how we met" story other than, "We met at a party and starting making out and had sex." I feel sad that teenagers will have to say, "I was engaged to 3 guys before he asked me and we got married." I feel sad that they won't have anything to say about what they did together other than, "Well, we we could see each other, we had sex. Sometimes with a condom, sometimes without. We had a few pregnancy scares." I feel sad that they will have to tell their own children things like, "No, your mother/father wasn't my first sexually. I lost my virginity when I was 13 to this one guy/girl. I had been with 13 people prior to your mother/father."
Go roller-blading.
See concerts.
Go to the park and watch old people in love.
Lay on the ground and look at the clouds.
Go on movie dates.
Share a milkshake.
Read books together.
Go have a few double-dates with your best friend.
Volunteer together.
Talk to strangers together and see if you can help brighten their day.
Help each other grow.
Don't worry about sex.
The time will come when that will be important.
The time is not now.
Be 14.
Be 15.
Be 16.
Be 17.
Be 18.
Enjoy your youth while you can, and look back to laugh and smile at the good, wholesome memories.
Make good, lasting memories of the short period of time you get to be together. It may seem like having sex is a big deal and you'll remember it forever but you two, most likely, won't as the years go by. Everyone does it. It isn't special. It's not at all what you think it will be.
Wouldn't you two like to look back years down the road and have giggles about the silly things you remember and the good times you had during the week? You'll be able to tell your future friends and possible children and grandchildren all about the neat things you two used to do together.
If you make him interested in you by having sex with them then is he REALLY interested in YOU or sex? Do you see what I'm saying? It doesn't mean he cares any more about you than he did 10 minutes before the sex. Sex is sex. Anyone can have sex. YOU are the only one like you.
You should not be in a rush to have sex. You have plenty of years ahead of you. Anyone can have sex. Lots of people have sex with each other every day and don't have the slightest bit of care for their sexual partner. Having sex isn't proving anything to anybody.
Here is a link about some things you should think about before engaging in sex. Even if you're dead set on losing your virginity, it's still really interesting to look at. The site really makes you think about things you overlooked before:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Here is also a link on some things about virginity. I think it has some neat points and gives examples to explain what they're talking about:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
I hope you reconsider and choose to do the right thing. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
P.S. Condoms are only 88% effective with TYPICAL usage. Hormonal birth control pills are only actually about 93% with TYPICAL usage. The pull-out method is about 75% effective if done in the typical manner. Do you really want to risk your relationship?
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You're 14, you shouldn't even be thinking about sex. Not to mention, sex does NOT make things more exciting in a relationship. It can complicate things, actually.
As for "spicing" it up a bit, everyone will lose interest in their boyfriend/girlfriend after being together for so long and doing the same things over and over.
I'd suggest doing something ya'll have never done before. Go to the park & eat lunch there. Sort of like a picnic. Have him over & rent a movie. Go on a walk somewhere and just talk about everything there is to talk about. Include him in things you would normally do by yourself. Write him a letter & say something like, "my house, tonight for dinner:]" Then make him a dinner. Little things like that, does make a difference. Letting him know that you still care about him will make him more interested again. Suprise him with a card that says "just thinking of you" or make him a scrapbook with all of your photos and memories together. Good luck!
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