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my boyfriend is caught between me and his best friend.
So, my boyfriend has a best friend named Tessa. Tessa and I have been best friends for awhile, and me, my boyfriend, and her have the same circle of friends. We have been friends long before I started dating my boyfriend. Anyway, Tessa is always inviting my boyfriend to go places with her. To her house, to her godfathers lake house, ect. I know they are friends and all, but this makes me very uncomfortable. I know Tessa has liked my boyfriend in the past, and she says she doesn't like him now, but still. I know if she had a boyfriend that I was good friends with I wouldn't invite him over my house alone, so I don't understand why she would do that to me? So basically, what should I do? I know my boyfriend hates being put in the middle because I tell him he can't hang out with her alone. But should I let him even though it bugs me? This has caused a huge fight between me and Tessa, and I can't ever imagine being friends with her again. Ugh, what do I do!
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It's not right to come between a guy and his friends, whether those friends are male or female. I know you don't want to hear this, but that is selfish to put him in the position to choose.
If you trust HIM, what she may or may not do shouldn't matter. If you trust HIM, he would not fall for any hypothetical advances made by her.
This has already seemingly destroyed the relationship with your best friend. She was your best friend. Why don't you trust her? Is this really, seriously worth losing your best friend over?
So she invites him to hang out here and there. She is also his best friend. Is that not what friends do?
If it makes you so uncomfortable, rather than getting all huffy and trying to disallow him to hang out with his best friend, why not try to think up something you can ALL do together?
ygs-30/f
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This is a really good question, and one that can be remedied.
The first thing that you have to ask yourself is this, and truly be honest with yourself. Why do you not want your boyfriend to be alone with this girl? Is it because you don't trust him alone with Tessa, or is it because you don't trust her and are worried that any advances that she makes may not be protested by your boyfriend?
What is critical for you to understand is that, both men and women will of course have friends outside of the relationship with people of the same sex as their other. It sounds like you know this and haven't prevented it. You should become worried, when it becomes very constant with a specific person which could indicate that something else is going on.
Your friend said that she has liked him before, and lots of times, feelings don't go off like a light switch. I'm willing to bet that the reason that she wants to hang out with your boyfriend all the time is because she really does like him still. When two people are going out and one person is being constantly contacted by another who is of the opposite sex, both boyfriend and girlfriend should be contacted, because there is not much that can't be done with all three people, if anything at all. It really seems suspicious because you are both in the same circle of friends. If you didn't know Tessa, it would be understandable for her not to invite you since she doesn't really know who you are.
If you truly trust your boyfriend, then there is absolutly no reason why you shouldn't be able to allow him to hang out with someone else. He does have a right anyways, to hang out with who he wants. However, you also have the right to tell him what you suspect and why you do so. Ask him if he wouldn't mind, the next time Tessa invites him to do something, that she invite you as well. That's not out of the question considering that you guys are within the same group of friends.
Try and make up with her, she is your friend and you should be able to trust her if you really think she is that close to you. Explain how you may have jumped to conclusions but tell her the reasons why you think so. Considering that you and your boyfriend are going out, having concerns is not out of the question, but you need to do a few things before you either cut yourself off from her completely or tell your bf to never hang with her again.
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