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I slept with my boyfriend's father
hi,
I can't believe I am in this predicament but here it is.
When I was 16 I had an affair with a teacher of mine it went on for two years and he was my first love. Fast forward ten years, I have graduated from medical school and am doing my residency in NYC,(I am from New Jersey) I met the most incredible guy and after 8 months we moved in together. we have been living together for almost a year and and have spoken of marriage in the sense of when not if we should get engaged. Anyway over fourth of july weekend we went out to his mother's house in the hamptons and I saw my old teacher "Doug" I was shocked to see him there and he told me he was Garret's father. I couldn't believe it 'Doug and Garret have different last names b/c Garret's parents never married and she has since married the chief of medicine at the hospital where garret and I both work. Anyway to make a long story short I have no idea what to do, no one knows about my affair except for Doug and myself but I don't know what to do, doug called me and asked if I would meet his to talk but what is he want to tell garret, garret is literally my dream guy I can't believe this is happening to me. What should I do any advice would be greatly appreciated, I obviously can't tell anyone I know and I'm pretty lost.
Thanks again
G
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You need to ask yourself something very important:
"Do I want this to come out now or five years from now when we are married and have a baby or two?"
Things like this do come out. It may be years until it does, but I'm sure that your boyfriend will take it worse then and might even feel that those were years lost or taken from him because you hid a very important secret from him. Let him decide now if he can deal with this or not before you get too deep into life with him and he feels jipped from something that will seem like lies.
So, sit down with your boyfriend and have a serious, lengthy discussion about what happened. I'm sure things will be awkward, but I'm sure he'll appreciate you telling him now rather than waiting 5 years to get the news from somebody else, somehow.
By telling him now, you're coming forward with information immediately and that will probably be appreciated, whether he tells you that or not. Even if things are rocky for a few days or weeks that doesn't mean thing cannot be worked out. Just sit down and spill your guts to him and explain that you had no idea that the man ended up being his father. Let him know that the situation of meeting the father was uncomfortable and that you needed to tell him (your boyfriend) so that he knew what had happened.
From there it's up to you two to decide what to do. You two may discuss the possibility of telling his mother. He may not be as shocked by it if he has known about other affairs his father has had. Things may end up going rather sour for a while before he cools down. In any way it is, you need to tell him NOW. The longer the wait, the more it seems that you were going to hide it for as long as you felt you could.
I wish you luck and hope that all turns out well. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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