I recently became aware that I might've been raped. I don't remember much from the night but there is a possibility. While that scares me a lot, but after I found that out, I've become a lot more sexual, and for lack of a better word horny. =/
And this is the kicker, what turns me on the most are like fantasies about being raped and things like that.
Is this completely crazy? How can I go back to the way I was before all this happened? I mean, I know that I can't but at least stop thinking about this stuff. Also, is there a way to tell if you were raped or not? I've had sex since then, so I don't know. I mean, it upsets me but sometimes I think I'd rather not know...
The "rape fetish" isn't automatically a sign that you've been raped. Everyone has their kinks, and yours is far from the craziest I've heard.
I don't think there's a way to find out for sure if you've been raped or not, unless someone you know comes forward with a confession, but what are the chances of that happening, right?
Also, please completely ignore yourrtrustyhelpline. Your "cherry" can get "popped" by many things completely unrelated to penises or sex. Including, but not limited to, using tampoons and riding horses. It's a huge and dangerous assumption to say that if your cherry has been popped and you aren't aware of it, you've been raped. Shame on you, yourrtrustyhelpline. [ Comrade's advice column | Ask Comrade A Question ]
yourrtrustyhelpline answered Friday August 29 2008, 12:34 am: well, do you remember the first time you conciously had sex ? if you can remember that first time, try to remember if you bled. if you did, then that means you popped your cherry, and it is unlikely that you would have been raped or had sex before then. if you didnt bleed, then you probably were raped. either that, or you could have popped your cherry while fingering yourself if you used to do that. [ yourrtrustyhelpline's advice column | Ask yourrtrustyhelpline A Question ]
HeartedASHollow answered Friday August 29 2008, 12:31 am: Well any evidence of rape is clearly gone. But what you can do is follow up with the people that were..wherever this may have taken place.
Sometimes not knowing is better but clear ignorance isn't. This is a serious matter [[I know thanks for pointing that out captain obvious, right?]] but if you can talk to people that were at that place, then you can narrow it down to almost certainty. Then if you do find out that the sad possibility is true, you need to have them arrested with a witness. If the person did it to you, they will do it to someone else because they didn't get caught.
And there is always a possibility someone knows what happened but hasn't come forward with it. Just have to have hope I imagine.
What I think you should do is try to find out what happened. If you do, your emotional needs for sexual encounters may decrease because you know the truth. This would make you stronger. Maybe feel worse, but mentally make you stronger due to the idea you have the correct knowledge of what really happened [[Even though death would seem to be better, don't let the weak win]]. But if you get ideas there after talking to people that were there at this "social interaction" as I may refer to it, you need to tell someone.
But other than finding out what really happened, you have to stay strong about not going with other guys/men/girls/women whoever you maybe. I'm not into smoking but as a comparison, A smoker may want to quit but can't just do it with a thought. It takes time and resistance and the urge to really stop. Like gum, find something that keeps you occupied. Try art, try writing. Something that gets it out of your system.
As for the rape fetish, I think it maybe on the lines of some normal...I think. I'm not specialized in that stuff but it might just be a pleasurable thing for you.I think as long as if you were being raped you wouldn't all of a sudden enjoy it.
But if it just started after that night, I would seriously think you may have something stored in your mind that you maybe can't release or you don't really TRULY know what happened. If you're in denial get out of it, because it MAY uncover something. As harsh as that sounds I'm sorry. But if you are the only way you can find out for sure is to accept that 50/50 chance that you were.
I'd like to help further but I don't have much information to go off.
I'm sorry if you find out that you might have been. I'm here if you ever need more help.
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