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Parents have put me in depression.
I think Im depressed, and I have no help. I can’t see a doctor, and have no one to look up to or talk to. Long story not so short: When I was 5, my not so nice grandma moved in with me and my family. Our house has only 2 bedrooms and 5 people living in it. It may not seem like a huge deal, but its really affected me, and the way I choose to live my life. To cut to the chase, I’m 15 now, I don’t have many friends, never had a boy friend, I’ve never had privacy, I’m a huge introvert, I don’t talk to anyone about my problems or how I’m feeling. The reason I don’t have many friends is because I cant have sleep overs and have birthday parties. Its embarrassing when a friend finds out I don’t have a room. I think its just a waste. I want a normal teenage life. Its my first year of highschool, and I want to have friends, and boy friends. I need someone to care about me. My family says they do, but I don’t feel it. They don’t help. They don’t seem to see whats happening. Not only is this affecting me mentally, but physically also. I have been sleeping on a couch for 8 years now. Two years on a camp cot at the foot of my parents bed. I have bad hips, and its bad for your spine to curve to the shape of a couch. I have no choice. I live out of a corner basically. I only have a dresser for some clothes, and a computer to keep me sane. I feel numb. I have no emotion. I cry EVERY night. I am not some emo kid that wants attention. This IS real. This is my life I have to live, and deal with but I’ve been trying for so long, and its only gotten harder. The plan was that my family would build on to our house. They would add two additional rooms. They have been telling this to me for as long as I can remember, and they have done nothing to even begin the process. Theres always some lame excuse. When I try to express my feelings to my mom, she says “think about all the other kids that have to live in boxes, and don’t have families.” I have thought about that, but it hasn’t made me feel any better about my situation. I have to stop worrying about other people. I have to have a life to. Don’t I have a say in what I want in my life? They are focused a lot on my sisters life, and her college career, and money. Im very good in school. Its one thing im proud of, but its getting old and my parents expect even more. More than I can give them. To top it all off, my grandma is extremely racists. She is not in very good health at all. Shes depressed, she cant sleep at night, which means I cant sleep, because she is always up walking around and eating and making noises. No one knows about how this bothers me. My grandma has two other sons that have huge houses with plenty of room for her, but she had to come here. Its ridiculous. I try not to talk to her, but that’s difficult with the living situations. I have thought about cutting, burning, and suicide. Anything that hurts. I’ve been using a rubberband to slap my wrist to keep me from doing something more serious. I want to live and have privacy. I don’t want to have to go in the bathroom and act like im taking a shower, just because im crying. I’ve been having nightmares about this. Its really getting to me. This is so selfish. Im sorry.
The point is I don’t know how much longer I can live through my parents lies. I want help. I need advice.
Its one thing when you fall asleep crying, but when you wake up and tears are still falling; that’s a whole different issue.
I have no one to go to.
Please help me.
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I know this is a little late, but I sincerely hope that you read this.
Right now, everything sucks. You are finding that there is no escape from your reality due to the fact that your home doesn't feel like one at all, and you feel like even if you tell people about your pain that they won't understand.
Lemme just say that the one MAIN way you can escape this way of life is through school. You NEED to continue to do well to get out of your living situation, you could get scholarships, grants that will give you the ability to not only leave the house, but even live the state into your own dorm, your own privacy, your own space, your own life.
You need to COMPLETELY immerse yourself in school, join clubs, do extracurricular activities, get a job, really hang out with your friends as much as you can. Sleep over at your friends house, just so you know I had my own room and I didn't even have people over for a sleep over, you don't have to, you aren't missing out.
It is up to you, and you alone to change the way you are living. I know that it is hard to see through all the inner pain, and the feeling that you have of being trapped, but you NEED to see through it. You need to realize that: Yes, my life is hard, but I am going to work through it and make the best of it. One major thing I've learned in life is how I should take bad situations and find something good in them, and at first it's hard, but once you get the hang of it you get to a point of where nothing can bring you down.
-best of luck to you!
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Is this for real? You're this upset because you don't have a room and you expect your parents to expand the house. Maybe they don't have the money but don't want you to know. You need to stop blaming your parents for your lack of a social life because that's your fault. Most kids won't care if you have a room. Honestly, get up and start making friends. I can sympathize with people who have no homes but not with someone who lives in a house. Why do you need a room to get a boyfriend? People probably don't like you because you're depressing, so get up and go out somewhere. You have a computer get facebook and meet new people. This probably didn't help, but you needed to hear it!
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hey,
i feel empathy towards you. Sometimes when i read these questions i can't believe how much they compare to mine. I don't believe that you're an emo kid who wants attention. When i was about 10-11 yrs. old my family and I were living in my grandmother's house with three rooms and 7 people in the apartment . Situations were horrible. At that time unfortunately i did contemplate doing horrible things to myself to ease the pain. I felt so alone. and i would too, cry every night. I'm 15 now, and i've never had a boyfriend...back in those days it did feel like my parents focused on my older brother than myself. And my parents wouldnt't let me go to parties or sleepovers either. You asking for help isn't selfish. It's a step, in helping you to become better. Even if you don't have alot of friends, talk to a close friend of yours- trust me it helps. you're stronger than this. DON'T let a situation like this cause you to hurt yourself! YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS. and writing in a diary or journal also helps!! What i say to myself o help me keep going is; [BACK AND STONGER!!]. To me, back and stronger means that i've gone through alot, i've been through things that have changed my life...but i'm back...and stronger so i REFUSE to let anything and anyone BRING ME DOWN!!!!
please feel free to write to me anytime.
_BACK AND STRONGER
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I am so sorry for your situation. I know some of what you are going through, I have 8 people living in my house inlcuding my Grandma (who is extremely racist and rude to everyone also) and aunt and cousin. I can't imagine how your life must be though. Heres one thing, I'm so glad that you had the courage to post this on here. Just talking to someone can help. So if you need someone to talk to, I could talk with you whenever you want. If you want to send me an e-mail my address is just1bigoxymoron@gmail.com.
Stop causing your self physical pain though. You already have enough pain in your life, causing your own won't make you feel better. It doesn't work.
Another huge piece of advice I can give you is this. Find the Lord. Jesus Christ saves lives. If you want to talk to someone about religion I can talk to you about that too. When I have problems, just praying gives me joy. Just know that there is a God up there who loves you and wants to see you happy. And if you really believe in him and pray he wants to help you. So I'm not sure if you have religion in your life, but if you would like to find out more about it, or just need someone to talk to, you can e-mail me.
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