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Army Boy
There's this guy Joe, he's in the army in Iraq he's almost 22, has a 2 year old baby girl, and he's married at this point in time.
I am 16, female, single,in high school. Now I don't want to hear about the age difference because we're way passed that point, so please just help me on what I need help on.
I was at a coming home party for my bestfriends big brother Devon, that is so close to me that he might as well be my big brother, and for Joe. I saw Joe playing the guitar in the living room so I sat down staring at him, he was probably the most adorable guy I've ever seen in my life. I had a boyfriend then, of a year, and we ended up breaking up that night, so I was just trying to have some fun. Me and Joe both ended up crashing at Devons place and got to talking about everything there was to talk about. Until 7 am the next morning. All we did was kiss. We exchanged numbers and screennames. The next couple of times I saw him we bumped into each other at Devons house, kept talking, kept kissing. Now if Devon ever found this out we knew we'd get in a lot of drama considering that I was 15 and he was 20 and I was like his little sister. Over a period of quite a few months he went back to where he was stationed and we still saw each other a few times when he went on leave. We both made it clear to each other that we had feelings for each other and really wanted to be together but it was impossible, he was in the army always leaving and I was still trying to live my highschool life. I ended up getting a new boyfriend, and I still at the time tried to talk to Joe. A few months after I started dating someone else I got news that Joe got MARRIED, to the mother of his daughter. I told Joe that I wanted to be with him and I loved him and I felt betrayed but he came back at me with "what did you expect when you're seeing someone else." So now it's a year later, and we have started talking again. He's getting a divorce because his wife cheated on him. We've been talking about hanging out when he gets back in November, and nothing futher because when I found out about him getting married he told me all he could offer me was his friendship. I'm not sure if that's all he wants anymore and I'm honestly too afraid of the answer to ask. My question to you is how do I ask him what he wants to be? Because sometimes I never know if it's just sex he wants because we're always talking about it, obviously because we have a really big sexual attraction towards each other. Or if he actually wants something, how do I bring that upon asking someone but not making it offensive. And if he actually wanted to be with me, how does a 16 year old girl handle a boyfriend in Iraq with a baby? I do love him, I know that for sure, and I know he loves me. Whether it's real love, or friendship love.
BTW, He has told me before that I was the girl for him, and I make him feel like no other girl ever has, I do things that no other girl has ever done to him. I'm amazing, and I'm the girl he wants to be with for the rest of his life .. when he was in front of all his friends in the army.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
if you REALLY believe that's its true love, and it's actually real, not just a little highschool on/off relationship, then go for it. because if you are really truly in love with each other you will do anything to be with eachother, no matter how many obstacles there are (age diff., what other people think, baby, etc.) but if you aren't COMPLETELY sure that you're in love with him, then it's really not good for someone so young and in highschool to have to deal with all those issues like marriage ,war, and babies, you're way to young for that stuff if you're 16. and about the sex thing, if you're doubting that the only reason he says he wants to be with you is because he wants to have sex with you, then you're not really in love with him. if you guys were in love then you shouldn't have to doubt anything with him. but really, what do i know? because i don't know exactly what your relationship is like, and i don't really know what's going on. so if you think i'm wrong with that and you really actually are in love with eachother, then you can have sex with him, just make sure no one finds out because it's illegal. but from what you wrote in the question, my advice is, it's not worth it if it's not true love. it's not worth risking you both getting in trouble just to have sex if you're not really in love with him. and me, personally, wouldn't want to have sex with someone 22 if i was 16 and i didn't feel like we were really in love. i would be a little overwhelmed and scared. but that's just me. i know that sometimes it's hard, but if you feel like this is just another one of your commmon boyfriends in high school, then don't try to make it work because at your age you should just have fun and enjoy being in highschool and not have to worry about him being divorced, have a baby, or be in the army. sometimes what you really want to do, isn't what's best for you. but if you really are in love like REAL love, like you would marry him right now if you could, then you will find a way to make it work. because true love conquers all. so YOU make the decision, if it's real love, or if it's just common highschool puppy love.
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Joe married someone else, and is still married.
He is now in the throws of a divorce, and there is a child involved.
This is a MESS. It's a mess he is probably not capable of handling, and one you certainly aren't, nor should you be.
This isn't about age difference, this is about experience difference. His experience includes, marriage, a child, and six extra years, some spent overseas in the army. As much as you might care for and be attracted to each other, you are not, and CANNOT be on the same chapter of your life as he is.
Have you ever heard someone say of a past love that the timing just wasn't right? That is exactly what is happening here. The timing, of everything that is happening, is completely and utterly wrong.
You don't know how to handle this, because it simply isn't something a sixteen year old should ever be called on too handle!
What should you do? You should tell him that if he loves you, he will give you the space you need to finish whatever schooling you desire and he will preparing himself for an honest and proper relationship with you, by getting a divorce and establishing himself as a responsible adult as it regards his child.
In the time that it takes for these things to happen, the two of your should limit your conversation to very, very little. You shouldn’t see each other if you can’t control your hormones (this guy has already had one unplanned child, and you express concern that he is only after sex… he is not good mate potential at this point).
Don’t wait for him to tell you what he wants. Tell him what you want AND NEED. You need a man who is responsible for his past (ie, his marriage and divorce) and is prepared for his future (his child and life outside the army) and you need to be allowed to be sixteen, and not asked to deal with those issues which are completely beyond you and be able to finish school without the demands of an adult boyfriend and his child.
Don’t date him until you’ve graduated. I’m dead serious. He needs at least that amount of time to get his shit together and you deserve that time to just be a teen.
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