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what is wrong with me?
I am 26 years old and just recently started dating a guy about a month ago. We are having major major problems in the bedroom! He is always starting it off by kissing me all over fingering me and licking me, and then when i touch him he is soft.I am used to guy getting hard right away when we kiss passionately or he touches me. This one is a real challenge to get hard. I give him head and he is still soft. It gets pretty discouraging for me, I dont know what to do. I asked him if he has a problem, cause after all he is 36 so it might be getting to be an issue, He said no he has never had the problem before. I asked if he was attracted to me and he said YES. So where is the problem? am i the one doing this all wrong? Please help me. THere is a total blockage in the bedroom and this shouldnt be happening at all.
we are in love, he treats me well, always complimenting me and telling me i am beautiful, he is infatuated by me, so where the hell is the problem? I cant seem to figure it out! He says he is really nervous, and again last night we tried and he said he wasnt horny at all and hung over but that he would make it up to me, but he says that every single night. I cant take it anymore ahhhh we have talked about it numerous times and he knows i am not satisfied but nothing changes. He says that he wants me to kiss him and try to turn him on without going straight to the BJ but I am not usedt o giving attentin like that at all. Anyone have tips (especially guys) on how i can turn him on! I am totally turned on by him but we just do foreplay all the time because he doesnt get hard so having sex with a guy that is soft is no fun at all~.
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It's FEAR of something be it rational or otherwise that usually is what is causing this. He may fear an STD, your opinion of his performance or fear of getting you pregnant.
He also could have a lot of hang ups about sex. Then again he may not have much experience with intercourse. Any chance you're his first? There well could be. Unless he has been injured he should at his age have no problem with erections. But yes, fear can cause them fade.
Talk to him and tell him to be honest about his fears or if there is anything affecting his ability to perform. If he just started a new medication perhaps you're dealing with sexual side-effects. Have him see a urologist.
Don't dump him for this as that would be shallow. Things can get better if you work things out and tell him what you enjoy and coach him. Be patient with him as I'm sure if it's inexperience or lack of confidence that if you're patient it will work out and his confidence and performance gets better.
More or less, unless it's a physical and medical issue it's something in his head that psyches him out. Get to the root of that and things improve. A common fear guys have at first is of hurting their partner.
You mentioned he always does the same thing in the same order each time. That's why I think he may be a virgin aside from those things and intercourse is overwhelming. Again, talk to him and get it out.
Explain that it's hurting and or ruining the relationship. You like him a lot tell him but need to sort out this other important part of a relationship.
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