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ex bf/best friend ignoring me
16/f. We broke up a month ago. Went out for 1 1/2 years. We were really close- we talked every night and did something every weekend. I really did love him. I wasn't expecting the break up either (he broke it off.)
I keep thinking about our relationship too... when he kissed me, or held me, I just loved him so much (I still do, even though he's being mean) and I'm having a hard time.
To make things worse he's started ignoring me. I was finally able to start the "I'm not going to IM him thing" and it's working... except he's not IMing me. I'm still in love with him but I want nothing more than for him still to be my very best friend (with the way things are going that will be over soon, and I'm upset.) I know I can't change his interest in me but it hurts so much.
Problem: I leave on vacation Saturday of next week. I'm thinking I need to see him before then (and he knows this) because it would make me feel better. But we haven't talked in 2 days. At this rate we'll never be doing something before vacation. So do I stay miserable and try to get over it, or do something fun and (hopefully) feel better?
I just love him so much and he's my best friend and I'm losing him. Should I ask him (again) to do something before Saturday?
PS. He's a hypocrite too, a year ago on advicenators he gave an answer saying that "a bf/gf being clingy is not a good reason to break up" whereas I think that's the reason he broke up with me. Let me add that he's changed since last year (and this whole "clingy" situation reinforced this thought). He used to send me random letters and flair on facebook... the past few months it seemed like he was losing interest. So a year ago he said "clingy" doesn't matter but now he does?
But what do I do? Do I IM him? Do I ask to see him? But I want to so bad!
Thanks,
a girl desperate to see her very best friend but he doesn't want to (?)
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I had the same problem with my ex boyfriend almost exactly. I wanted to stay friends after we broke up. he wanted nothing to do with me. I was so sad all the time. but after a while i realized how heartless he was, so now i could care less about him. it did take time though. Your heart was broken, it needs time to heal.
I think you should go on your vacation and try to forget about it. And try to communicate with him when you get home. He may just need time away right now.
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There's nothing you can do except communicate your feelings to him.
I find that people are always saying "get over it" when a couple breaks up. I cannot for the life of me figure out why. If you still have feelings for the guy, and he is still willing to see you, why not hang out with him?
I say you remind him that you want to make plans with him before you leave for vacation.
Oh yeah, and the word "clingy" is just stupid. Who in their right mind ever said that wanting to spend time with someone was wrong?
Trust your feelings.
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Don't IM him. He is not your best friend, he is your ex.
Would you obsess over any other friend like this? No, of course not. That is because he isn't a friend. You love him and he doesn't want to be with you anymore. Those are the facts and you need to deal with that. Some time, long in future, when you have let your romantic attachment to him go, then you can maybe, be friends again. Right not, it’s impossible. There is too much emotional baggage.
Seeing his isn't going to change the facts and it's not going to make them easier to deal with.
Don't see him before you go on vacation. It will make you feel a smidgen better for about an hour and then it will be like breaking up all over again and you'll feel worse then ever before. Its okay if you don’t' believe me, but I've been there a few times. Right now what you need is distance and time. You need the time and distance to get angry, and to square things up in your own mind.
His reasons for the break up are totally irrelevant. NOTHING he can say or do will make you feel any better. He is the cause of this pain, so he can’t take it away, even if he was trying too, and he isn’t.
Everything you need to deal with this, you need to find inside yourself.
Your desire to see him right now is a bit like a drug-addict saying “Just one more hit.” They know it’s going to hurt them, but they do it anyways because they want it that bad. They will say and do anything to make that one last hit seem like a rational, good idea.
Be stronger then that. Only by being stronger then that will you start to get better.
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