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low self esteem.
15/f
i have a boyfriend of 9 months who really, i love. he loves me too. the thing is recently my friend and his friend started dating and they already had sex so now i feel pressure even though he's not pressuring me. i'm not ready to do that yet and i know my boyfriend will respect it. one of the only reasons i'm hesitant on having sex is because i have really low self esteem and i feel like he'll think i'm fat or we'll do it then he'll dump me or soemthing. he is a really good guy and he wouldn't do that so idk why i always think it. how can overcome this self esteem problem so i can be more open to things like this?
thanks
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Note: self esteem is about yourSELF
So right now this is really about you, and not your love;)
So I've had some issues with my self esteem in the past as well but I got over it.
First what you need to do is KNOW you're hot. Don't think you are, KNOW it. Confidence is sexy. If you're confident with yourself, that's what people will see, NOT your flaws. If you seem to be self conteous, it'll make it easier for other people to see the false in you as well.
Next, do you avoid sleeveless clothing? short shorts? or any specific style of clothing that you think exposes your faults? Go to the mall and BUY ALL OF THOSE NOW. Now what I want you to do is go to the gym, and work on those areas you're specifically insecure about.
I guarantee you will be feeling better about yourself in no time. As soon as the summer starts, I always feel out of place in my short shorts, but the EXPOSURE to the world for some reason love my legs even more every day. The more you're used to them, the easier it'll be for you to be secure about them.
Lastly, you have to realize that your friends may be on different levels with you. Once you have sex for the first few times everything gets a lot easier. You're a virgin, so you'll obviously need more time to get comfortable. It's like your first kiss. After the first is done you're ready for more.
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self esteem is about (like you said) how you think and feel. you can either get over your fear and let him be more intimate (ONLY if you KNOW you're ready, not because you think it might help).. or you can work on your body or what eveer the problem you think you have is. if he's been with you for 9 months.. this means he might not be in it JUST for sex. feelings can come and go in 9 months.. but if you guys are still standing strong and you know he loves you, then he's planning to be in it for the long run. i'd talk to him about it. let him know how you feel about your body image. he must think you're beautiful inside and out to be with you. looks are only a plus, because its what you treat him like that counts. remember that :)
flirty
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Not wanting to have sex has nothing to do with low self esteem. Honestly, where do you people get this stuff from?
The part of this situation which indicates a self-image problem is the fact that you are making important decisions (to have sex or not to have sex) based on a friend's relationship.
It's time to figure out what you want for yourself.
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girl, i have so been there! self esteem really is all about your self..if you're paranoid someone will think you're fat, you'll start acting uncomfortable and it will become pretty obvious to almost anyone. if this boy loves you like you say he does- nothing will change that. he loves you for you. plus if he's a virgin to..who is he to say you're bad in bed? i'd recommend waiting till you are completley comfortable though. you want to remember your first time in a more than good way.
i hope i helped you love. <3
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