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relationship is in danger
I am a black female 30 years old. Im in a interacial relationship black/indian me and my boyfriend have been very much in love untill recently when we made a off color joke that was not intened to offend me but it did. He felt like I shouldnt have reacted the way I did to his joke and if I understood him I would have known that he was just joking. Lately I have been talking about marriage and he feels we dont understand eachother after our misunderstanding. I really want to marry this guy but Iam afraid of wasting my time. We are good friends,never had any major problems. He cant even think of marrying me because he feels like something isnt right about our relationship but cant pin point what it is. I believe he loves me but for some reason feel like he is trying to avoid marriage what do you think. Should I get to know him better and stop talking about marriage we are both in our 30's not getting any younger.
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If he feels you don't understand him
then that is probably what has him
backing off of marriage.
We all have to learn to laugh at
ourselves. I know some off color
jokes are really bad and I do
understand how they could be taken
as his cutting you down. I'm sure
he didn't mean it that way.
OK let me put it this way.
He felt comfortable enough with you
to tell you an off color joke.
Believing you knew him well enough
to KNOW he was joking.
You didn't take the joke well
which shocked him because he felt
you would know it was a joke.
Now he feels he doesn't know you
at all. So he is really unsure if
it is going to work out. What if
he slips and says something else
offensive not meaning to? Hes
probably wondering if he can live
with someone he has to think twice
about what he says to.
Thats where he probably is.
You really need to have a serious
discussion about where your relationship
is going. If you are both willing to work
on it then you do that. If he thinks
this is something he can't get over,
then move on. No use wasting time.
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I am only 16, so I don't know how much help I will be.
However, I want to know what your heart tells you. If it's telling you to stay with him, then stay with him. If it feels like he's worth it, then he probably is.
If your heart tells you to not be with him, then don't.
It seems like the joke has made him think something else of you- that you don't appreciate his humor or something. Talk to him about it. If you've forgiven him about the joke, then tell him that. Look him straight in the eye. Ask him to try to pin point what the problem might be between you.
If it's too much trouble, there's really no harm in moving on. But basically, follow your heart, talk to him, and then decide.
--Jack
(16/m)
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