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grandmother dislikes my boyfriend
I am 19 turning 20 this year and my bf just turned 23 yesterday... my only problem with the relationship is that nobody respects it except his family. I live with my grandparents and I just came back from boarding school last year, anyway this is the first time they see me with a boyfriend. They say that they dont like him because they have a strange feeling and im too accomidating. I dont understand this because i usually call the shots in the relationship and i have tried to look at the relationship in a objective view. I see a little bit of what they are talking about but to me it seems to be because of our backgrounds... he used to be poor and when i went to live with my grandparents while i was young, i lived a privledged lifestyle. anyway, i really want to know how i can somehow get them to at least respect my relationship by not setting me up with other guys while im dating him and they keep saying that we will never last and purposely fighting with me anytime that i want to see him cause they know i hate conflict.We have talked about marriage and such and decided that if we are still dating next year then we would consider getting engaged then and married after I get my bacchelors. Grandma said that she will not go to the wedding and she doesnt want to know if we get engaged. I dont want to stop talking to her but she is controlling my life and disregarding any action i take as an adult. please tell me any words of wisdom that you might have. any... (btw... my grandpa loved him until he had a chat with grandma and now he doesnt talk on the subject and my bf is very respectful and follows all of thier rules even though they change them weekly)
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I think you're right when you say it's because of your differing backgrounds. They may have a stereotype of poorer people and not think he's good enough for you because of it. By accommodating, I'm wondering if they think this in terms of money. Who pays for food when you go out to eat? Do you split the bill or does he pay for it or do you pay for it? If you pay for a lot of things, your grandparents (being old fashioned) may view that in a negative light as him taking advantage of you and you accommodating him. There isn't anything you can do to change your grandparent's minds about him. Only they can do that. If you want to get engaged and marry him, then do it. It doesn't matter what your grandparents think. In the mean time, don't talk to your grandparents about your future plans. Just say you're dating and don't know what will happen in the future. Keep your plans to yourself. Don't worry about your grandmother saying she won't go to the wedding. I think that's an empty threat she's using to convince you to break up with him. If you get married, just tell her how heartbroken you would be if she didn't come.
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Well it does seen to me that you have to figure out the onflict. Sit your grandparents down and ask them why they don't like this guy tell them you have a lot of fun with him and you love him and you don't know what they mean here and what they don't like about him. if they won't awnster the question tell them that if they don't tell you what's wrong you'll continue dating him and never know the feeling they have towards him so you can tell them that it's not true or other things like that also tell them your point of view make them listen to you.
it's not that hard when everone is clam and happy for you and them to talk so they can relive so of that stress of rising temsion thay have agasnt him.
hope you the best,
Kittzen
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