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Trifecta from hell, Two girls and a guy.
I don't know if this situation has been posted before but I am not in the mood to use the search bar.
Anyway, to start it off I would like to thank those people taking the time to actually read this and those whom give advice to my problem.
My problem started four months ago, I met a girl (which will be named "Mika" for this explanation), in a GED class that I decided to take since Highschool was a total waste of time for me. We started to talk and we quickly became friends. We grew close as friends but I didn’t think of her other than a friend as time went on.
Mika was a lesbian who had a girlfriend (Whom we are going to call “Lily”). Lily is a nice girl that lives about two times zones away from my current residence. They had a of online relationship that grew more and more over the course of a year and a half.
About two months into friendship between Mika and I, Mika ran into some trouble with her mom (whom she was living with)). She ran the bill on her cell phone into epic proportions and at the time Mika thought that the only way to solve this problem was to run away from her mother. This decision was made without discussion with anyone (ie friends and family). So she went out and bought a ticket to fly over to Lily's to live with her.
As soon as I got word that she was going to run away, I quickly contacted her and began to start to help her out as much as I possibly could. She had about a week till her flight and had no place to stay. I got her a place to stay with a personal friend (Named Susej) of mine for the week.
With the problem of temporary place to stay settled, I focused on making her final days with me as fun as possible. Luckily for me there was a silent rave coming up and was perfect for her to forget about her troubles.
Well I took her to the rave and we started to have fun with a couple of friends that I have invited over. As the night went on I found her making out with one of my friends that I invited over. I found it kinda surprising since the friend she was making out with was male. Again let me remind you that Mika was suppose to be a lesbian. Well Mika spend the night with me and my friend dancing our troubles away without the provocation of sexual activities. Anyways the night came to an end so me and her crashed at Susej’s place.
Susej had plans with his family so he had to get out of town for a day. That was fine, so Mika stayed with me the entire day until Susej came back to town. We had a best friends slumber party including the epic pillowfight.
The night after, I was taking Mika back to Susje place for the night, we were on the train together and we were having a normal conversation as always. I don’t know what came over me but something clicked inside of my head that I loved this girl. So in the middle of the conversation I just stopped her randomly and just kissed her. To my surprise she kissed me back which went against all the moral stature of what a lesbian is.
I told her how I felt about her and the kisses that she gave back to me mirrored what I have been feeling for her. She didn’t say anything back but I know something was there, she left me on the train with tears starting to flow down her cheeks. I never saw her again after that.
Anyways after that I started to keep in contact with Lily, just to make sure that Mika was still alive and kicking. It was a uneasy relationship between be and her. I hated her for having Mika so close to her.
One day Mika gave me a surprise phone call. Of course I was happy to hear from her and to know that she was alright. I don’t know how we got to that point of the conversation but we started talking about that train ride. She began to tell me her feelings that she had for me and just began to regret leaving me to live with Lily.
The joy that went through me during that conversation was undescribable. I wanted her to come back to me so I could love her but honestly I wanted to make sure that it was Mika wanted. I told her to sleep on it and tell if she still feels the same the next day. Sadly for me it didn’t go the way I wanted and she stayed with Lily for a while.
I would occasionally talk to Mika afterwards but our conversations were usually focused on how amazing Lily which were painful to hear knowing how I felt about Mika. I would usually go and wrestle my friends after talking to Mika just to get rid of the extra aggression that felt toward the entire situation. That went on for a month or so until three weeks ago.
It was in the middle of the night when I was woken up by a phone call. I picked up the phone only to have Lily’s hysterical screams ring and echo inside of my brain. Earlier that week I royally pissed her off when I told her about what happened between Mika and I in the train ride so we weren’t on speaking terms anymore. Apparently, Mika was pregnant! Obviously that wasn’t my fault since I never even had the chance to even go that far with Mika but Lily thought otherwise.
After a brief conversation and the explanation on the events that happen when she was with me our emotions soon linked and were echoing each other perfectly. Rage, betrayal, sadness, the need to bash Mika’s face into a wall. It was amazing how Lily and I came together for a common cause.
We started to talk more often and more openly about everything and how much we loved Mika. I learned from Lily that the way she met Lily was similar to my own situation. They started out as friends and then they turned to lovers.
The more I talked to Lily the more I felt unsure if I even deserved Mika for my own. They had so much more than I did. I also started to develop feelings for Lily the more time I spent talking to her.
I mean there were times that she was crying over on how Mika betrayed her trust and her love and I was the one there to comfort her reminding her that I was in the same boat with her going through the same feelings that she was. I would cheer her up to the point were I could feel her smile through the phone. She would do the same for me also as the days passed on.
I grew unsure whether or not I should even fight Lily for Mika’s affection. Also grew unsure of my own feelings toward Lily. I grew to love Lily to the point were I would do anything to make her happy. I have already told Lily of my feelings toward her already but I am in the dark on how she feels about me.
I am uncertain on who I should love anymore, both of them won a place in my heart. I know its naive of me to think that I could get out of this without getting hurt or without hurting someone else. Is there a way where all three of us can be happy?
I just want to know what exactly is the right thing to do here.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I will give this a shot at answering, but please know that your situation is unique and my advice might not feel right, but I always answer from my heart. So here goes.
I believe who you should love, is neither one of these women. They have openly admitted their preference for the same sex, and for now that's enough information to tell you that you can never be more than friends. Even then, the friendship triangle sounds as if it will be confusing and heartbreaking, and in the end your kindness and willingness to help someone who doesn't have their act together will get you burned.
In any new relationship one needs to start out on the right path. Pain, heartache, running away, cheating--is not a solid foundation for love. Yes, someone will get used and hurt 9 times out of 10.
If you lower your expectations of the situation to a casual friendship level, you may possibly protect your feelings. But it sounds as if you are going to have a hard time doing this, but it's what I believe would work best. Take time out for yourself, and discover what you truly want in a relationship before you involve someone else.
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i'm glad you have come to terms about what kind of person mika is. she's not the girl for you. but neither is lily. you seem to become attached to every girl you meet. and while you become physically and emotionally there for them, they don't always reciprocate.
take some time off from dating and girls for awhile; don't even think about it. there's a piece of you that's missing, and you're trying to fill that void with other people. perhaps there's something about yourself that you're not content with? something you want to change. it's time for to do some serious soul searching.
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