|
Friendships in adult life
Perhaps some of you have been in this situation. What is your opinion on how best to deal with friends who rarely make time to nuture the friendship? Sometimes it seems so one sided with me putting in the most effort. I have always been there for her through life's ups and downs, but when I am down, or when I simply want to get together it feels as if I am bothering her. This is a 30+ year friendship and there have been times when I just quit making contact because I was frustrated. I am about at that point again, but maybe I am in the wrong and should just keep trying, and inviting and calling etc. I tend to get dissapointed though because I look forward to getting together and usually she declines.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I have a best friend of who I have been best friends with for over 21 years. You have a 30 year friendship. I am going to be honest with you. I get tired of my best friend sometimes. Seriously. I have 3 teenagers, she has 1. I am an accountant, Office Manager. She is a housewife. I am tired, she isn't tired at all. Sometimes, I don't want to be bothered. I get tired of talking on the phone EVERYDAY. It's nothing about selfishness, or frustrations - it's about what you said "being an ADULT". We can't hang out like we used to. We are all getting older.
If I were you, I would be upfront - ask her. Simply ask, does she need some space? Is she going through something and is keeping to herself because of it? Are you getting on her nerves? I tell my bestfriend at any given point in time - "I am tired, I don't want to be bothered - Don't call me for about a week unless something is wrong - and she respects it, and she tells me too and I respect her when she does. A friendship is a relationship!
I have learned that sometimes, differences in lifestyles come in between friendships as you mature just as it does a husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I have actually had to cut some friends off b/c of it. It's all about having the same thing in common. I had a friend who wanted to go out to the club ALL the time, I didn't want to and it wasn't me - It was causing me to be someone I really wasn't. Our conversation was juvenile to me - so I cut that friendship off. We had been friends for 12 years.
I had another friend that was a straight up bum. She didn't want to work, she had 4 kids, she lived on welfare with no ambition to do better in her life, but I wanted things out of life and saw that she had no respect for the fact that I wanted to work, attend college, get out of the hood, etc. So, I had to cut that friendship off. We were friends for 15 years. I wasn't the same person I used to be. I matured she chose to stay in the same situation she was in and cry about it but do nothing about it, even with me reaching out my hand to help her and encourage her. If you are all going through something as of this nature - meaning differences with nothing in common, maybe she is cutting off the friendship silently. So, upon talking to her sit back and do some REAL Analyzation to this friendship. Is it worth it? Are you happy or left feeling stupid and used? What are you getting out of it? Is she there for you or you only there for her? you kind of hit on this in your ? - but reach deeper when you think of this. What do you have in common? Maybe it's time to move on and close that chapter yourself, as it seems your friend may be doing.
We have to also search our souls with soul mates, relationships and friendships too. Hope this sheds some light to help you as you open the corners of your mind and think...
]
I wouldn't say I have so much knowledge on this friendship but i have that's a 12 year friendship.
I think that because you guys have been together for such a long time that she maybe taking you for granted. You guys are probarbly so close [ well not now] her declining, you'd understand. Maybe she is just tired and stressed. What you should do is ask her to go out - somewhere nice like a restaurant or a spa and make sure the date is early in advance so she cant say no. If she refuses let her know how you feel. I think she doesn't know that you friendship is decaying. But the only way you can save it is to tell her how you feel. Maybe when you are down - she can't support you because she doesn't know how - some people arent good in situations like that. Tell her how you feel - you never know, she might be thinking exactly what your thinking.
]
More Questions: |