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Should I kick her out?
I am a 41 year old man. I have been divorced for 5 yrs. I have been dating a woman on and off for the same five years. We had split it off about a yr and a half ago. I missed her very bad and had began seeing another woman. She started coming around my house and kept trying to get me back. Finally I gave in and blew it off with the other girl. We started seeing each other again and I ended up asking her to marry me last year in Feb.
I have a 16 yr old son who lives with me. He has been thru alot since the divorce. His mom not only walked out on me, but also the kids. My daughter is now 21 and on her own. My son is a big concern.
Last year I purchased a home about 30 miles away in the hometown of my fiance and she moved in with me. My son was upset about the move but in the year since, he has come to love our new town.
My fiance and came up with a financial agreement that She'd pay the mortgage of $1300/month and I'd pay the rest of the bills which total about $2000/month.
Here's the big issue. We used to have a pretty decent sex life except for the fact that she will not give oral sex. The rest of the relationship I thought was good enough that I thought I could probably look past it. I love oral, both giving and receiving.
Our relationship, though not perfect, is extremely good and we are best friends. Except, now she is not interested in sex at all and she's decided that we can have sex every other night. There is no flexibility in this with her. And when its MY NIGHT, then she says to hurry up and let her know when I'm ready. There is no foreplay, no arrousal. She doesn't even participate, at all. Now she don't even let me give her oral, though I'm good at it and she orgasm's every time.
She says I have the problem. It's to the point that I don't want to do anything at all or even be around her if it's not MY NIGHT. I long for passion and romance and she gives me none.
I've tried to talk to her but she refuses point blank to talk about it. I'm very unhappy and very unfulfilled in this relationship.
Two things worry me the most. My son, who has been through so much, is finally beginning to feel stable. If I dump her, then he's hurt again.
Secondly, I love my home very much, though, had we not made a plan, I wouldn't have bought it. It takes both incomes to manage the bills.
I really love her. Either I dump her or resign myself to an unfulfilled sex life.
Also, I've been cheating on her with a 29 yr old. (she's 45). The 29 year old is a freak in the sack and satisfies me immensly. I'm not making a decision based on my affair, but I can't take it anymore. I hate drama, and breaking up is big drama.
I see no more use. She just don't satisfy me. I don't like cheating and can and would be faithful to someone who put a small effort into pleasing me. I think a lazy lover who does not even try to please me is in way being unfaithful.
Is dumpsville the enevitable? Or am I being unreasonable and should change my thinking?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You may be very good friends, but if
you aren't compatible sexually it isn't
going to work out in the long run. You
are already cheating on her, thats a good
sign it is over.
You didn't say how old your son is, but
if he is a teen, you need to have a long
talk with him. He may be hurt, but I think
you could make him understand. It isn't
like you hate the woman, you just are not
compatible enough to enter into marriage.
If you really want the one you're living
with you need to have a very long and
serious talk. If you have had a good
relationship sexually in the past, then
she needs to get help to find out what
went wrong for her and get it fixed. If
she isn't willing to speak with a doctor
about it you have no choice but to end it.
Cheating and staying in a relationship you
don't want isn't helping your son at all.
It will eventually turn ugly and that would
be much worse than a clean breakup.
So, my advice is if you see no changes
ahead please do not get married. Getting
married will not fix a thing.
If you have to move again into a place
you can afford, do it. Try your best to
find a place that won't move your son
away from school or friends, but if you
have to just do it.
Don't move any babes in unless there is
a ring on her finger (yours!) and you
have no doubts at all it is forever.
Good luck. :)
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I think your son def should be a concern but in a couple of years he will be 18 and once kids reach that age they become less of a concern in terms of your importance of being a father.
As sex is a big deal to you, and you knew she didnt give oral sex, that should have been a deal breaker before you went and bought a place together, but anyway, it doesnt sound like what she is offering you in the bedroom is enough. And trust me, i know how it feels from both ends when either party is not really into having sex - if either one isnt in the mood then there is pretty much no point at all.
I think you need to come clean to your wife about the affair so she will perhaps realise that she is not satisfying you.
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I think that there has to be a reason to her not wanting sex. More than likely she may be going through metapause but is to scared to express it or deal with it in general. Sex is very important in a relationship but I do not think it is something to break up about.
I would like to address your cheating. I know you say you don't like cheating but you know what...then you should stop. I don't care how little sex you are getting at home, if you love the one you are with there is no reason to cheat. You have a hand use it! Think about what will happen if she finds out you have been cheating. I think that is much more of a problem than her not giving you sex.
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This is a hell of a question.
Okay - so sex means a lot to you. She doesn't have any interest in it, and she won't talk about why.
Maybe you need to explain to her the severity of the situation to get her to talk? If she still won't talk after that, maybe cutting it off is the right thing for you.
Although maybe you should explore other reasons to be happy with the relationship? I understand that sex can be important to people, but for this woman to be your fiance i'd assume that there has to be something more there? Assuming it exists - once you discover what that is, you can maybe focus on something else. Or at the very least hang onto it for your sons sake.
If none of that works out you need to just weigh out the effects of each decision and choose something.
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