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PDA...? no thanks
Hey, thanks in advance -
I'm 14/f. My boyfriend of 2-ish months just turned 16.
He's a really cool guy, and he's totally chill about our relationship, as am I. But, the thing is, for the past week/a little longer, after school he usually tries to give me a goodbye kiss. He usually says something like, "alright, well I gotta get going...I have to go see 'so-and-so teacher'," or something. then he gives me a nice hug, which i like :) But then, he's tried to lean in and give me a quick kiss, which I know most people would be completely normal with...but I just tend to be really personal about those things, I guess. So, there always happen to be lots of people in the hall right there, and I'm really not a fan of PDA...I guess I just don't feel comfortable with that at this point. Kissing in front of others, I mean. I like hugging. I'm all for that =P.
Anyway...I feel like such an awful person, because I have been soo nervous when he's tried, as in...I just don't know how to tell him I'm not into that, without sounding mean or anything.
So, instead...Ive kind of just been turning my head..kind of just turning around, looking around or something...I really feel terrible about this.
I just don't know how to bring it up, and I'm sure he'd be totally understanding and cool about it. But I know he PDA'd quite a bit with his last girlfriend ( of like, 2 years...the only other girlfriend he's had). So, I think he's just used to it. See, I'm not...I'm all for it in private.
Let's just say I'm more into pDA with a lowercase "p"...if you know what i mean =p
Thanks so much - i have to bring it up to him, but i'm afraid he'll try to do it again before i get a chance to talk to him alone. and I definitely don't want him to think that i don't like him anymore!!! which is what i'm afraid will happen, since i keep kind of avoiding the kiss...
how do i bring it up? what do i say/do?
thank you sooo much!!!
:) :) :)
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
just tell him that you'd love to kiss him, just not in front of everyone just yet. maybe after a little while longer of dating you'll feel comfortable with it. but for now, ask him if it'd be alright if you guys did that stuff during your alone time.
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There isn't anything wrong with wanting to keep things private really. It's understandable that kissing may mean something more private and bonding than to some other people.
Really, if I were you, I would just out with it when the guy when spending some alone time. It is probably best to find a comfortable place that you both enjoy being after letting him know that you have something serious to talk with him about. Make sure to let him know things like:
1. You like kissing him. He is a good kisser and it is enjoyable.
2. You do not want to cut out all kissing--just public kissing.
3. Kissing does not mean love. Many people do not kiss and are seen as "in love" and feel very bonded.
4. Not everyone is the same when it comes to showing affection in public. You're somewhat unique for this day and age and you are comfortable with being this way.
5. You do enjoy being seen out with him so privacy about the entire relationship is not the issue. You like the relationship being public; however, you are not fond of some of the affection being public.
6. You still would like to hug and hold hands while being out together. If kisses while alone and still out (such as: at the park where people usually are but aren't for some reason) are acceptable then let him know.
7. Apologize for not coming to him with this problem sooner. Let him know that you were confused as to how to tell him about it and were afraid of not explaining things clearly--leading to misinterpretations and hurt feeling on his part. Let him know this is important to you and that you are glad you are able to be open with him about issues regarding the relationship.
Your comfort means a lot and he should be respectful of that. You need to be as clear as possible about the situation so he doesn't misinterpret something.
What this will come down to is if this person is actually a good match for you. If he can understand and be respectful of your likes and dislikes then you may have found a keeper. If he gets angry or belittles your request then things simply are not going to work out.
If you ever decide to change this decision you're making it may be a little difficult. Just for a future heads-up, when you tell a partner to discontinue something in public and then you want them to do it again it may take a lot of discussion to work through the confusion of your partner.
Communication and comfort are key factors in making a relationship work. If you cannot figure out how to open up to your partner then you need to work on that before things go any further. It's important to be able to be comfortable with your partner.
The discussion on PDA may be lengthy but it's best to work through the issue thoroughly if you truly want things to work out between you and this guy. If you include the above, I'm sure you can figure out a good way to start the conversation. Be honest and open and things will be alright.
I hope your relationship goes well and you find the words to start your discussion about PDA with.
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awkwardd.
anyway. maybe you could write him a note that says exactly what you want to say to him. My boyfriend is not a big fan of the PDA but i am. I'm just a very affectionate person my nature, so i get a little confused when he turns away sometimes. but i know now that he just doesn't like to kiss in public or when people are looking and im totally cool with that. just tell him your not into PDAs and im sure itll be fine. do you kiss him in private? hope this helped yo. :) <3 sara
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