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abortion?
so i was pregnant and had a miscarriage.. im pregnant again and im so confused how this happened again the first i can see because my partner and i were foolish and didnt use protection but ever since then i make sure we do and its been working well.. im about 98% sure im pregnant again because my period is late and im having sign of being pregnant i havent taken a test yet but im positive i am.. im taking one in a couple days.. but anyways the first time i got pregnant was with a diffrent guy ah my ex we split up after we found out about the miscarriage it was just to painful and awkward but ive been dating this guy for about 5 months.. and im sooo scared because this guy is immature a lot of the time and wouldnt be able to support me and he wouldnt be there and "he wants a life" .. thats like what he told me and im scared because if i raise this child on my own .. im not going to be able to i dont know what to do my mom thinks i should get an abortion im kinda leaning to that but then again i dont know if i could kill my own baby.. it seems so wrong to me but its life would be so messed up considering the situations right now.. someone suggested adoption to me.. i wouldnt be able to do that i dont think anyone in my family or friends would be supportive and i just couldnt handle that.. what should i do?? please help me! any advice on anything is more then good thank you!
im 16/f boyfriends 16 also
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It's unfortunate that you could possibly be pregnant even though you were practicing safe sex. However, the only 100% guaranteed method of birth control is abstinence.
It's true, the majority of women who have gotten abortions regret it and are haunted by their decisions. You are very young and thus too vulnerable to subject yourself to something that emotional. You probably wouldn't be able to handle it. You said yourself that the whole ordeal with your first boyfriend was "painful and awkward". Can you imagine how much worse this would be? I really don't think abortion is the right choice for you, unless you were caught in a VERY extreme situation (which you aren't). By the way, I'm not enforcing any pro-choice/pro-life views here. I'm just trying to inform you of what I think is best for you.
If you have to raise your child on your own, it's not impossible. Millions of women in America have been doing it for years, every day with little or no money, and they still make it.
It's terrible that it has to be like this for women, but at least you can get child support from the guy.
I believe your parents would be supportive in raising your child. Many pregnant teens are afraid that their parents will abandon them or kick them out, but while this does happen, in the end, they want to have a relationship with their grandchildren. Usually grandparents stay at home to help raise the child while you work.
I understand you feel like your family wouldn't be supportive, but nothing can be changed about the situation. In the end, you are all blood. They can be upset with your decisions, but that will go away. I mean, who is mean to a baby? Come on..
Someone in my family got pregnant when she was 18. Her family was disappointed, but didn't leave her. She and the guy got married and worked. They were able to make a living like a normal family, but they were just young.
As for adoption, I don't really think you should do that either. Both you and the child will be wondering about one another constantly. Kids who are adopted have a lot of issues of anger, acceptance and self-worth to deal with. He will always wonder why you left him, what you look like. You will wonder how he grew up to be, what his family is like. Even though you could keep in contact with him, it's not the same thing. Do you really want to put him through that because of your selfishness? This is really a last resort, which again, isn't your case here.
Well, if I were you, I'd send some of my guy friends, brothers and/or cousins to set this guy straight. No offense, but a little girl bitching at a guy doesn't do shit. Sometimes you need to send some guys in to scare him and knock some sense into his head. He needs to realize that he was a part of this too and you BOTH have to deal with the consequences.
Anyways, you might not even be pregnant. You haven't even taken a test to make sure. Sometimes you have to take two to make sure, but remember that you have to wait at least ten days (I believe) after conception for the results to show up.
Pretty much 100% of my friends who are sexually active have pregnancy scares. ALL of them think they are pregnant, but none of them have been pregnant so far. I get a call every weekend. It's ridiculous. Girls really need to take care of themselves. Men and women are equally responsible when it comes to having sex.
Best of luck to you.
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I really, truly understand your fears about being pregnant; however, you really need to realize that this is your fault and that you should have been more educated than you were. You made adult decisions and now it's time to deal with the adult consequences that have trailed behind it.
First off, no birth control method is completely effective. This means there is always a chance in the condom/pill/shot/etc. will fail and a child will be conceived. The pill is rarely ever taken "perfectly" meaning that, on average, it's only about 92% effective with regular usage. This means that in every 100 women that are birth control users, 8 will become pregnant from a contraceptive failing. Now that you know that, it's a little more common and quite scary, right?
Secondly, you really need to figure out why you feel you should have sex with your partners when you can't trust them to be adult. If you feel the person cannot be supportive and helpful during a major decision then you really shouldn't be risking something like this with them. Honestly, nobody should have sex with someone they cannot completely lean on for help. In short, sex makes babies and this has never been surprising. Take this as a lesson and learn to be pickier about your partners. I know I would hate being in a situation where I knew my partner wasn't going to be there for me.
Even though your partner will not be supportive, you will still be able to raise the child if you so choose. Many people are single parents now and are able to make it through life decently.
Now, I definately do not think abortion is right for you. You are young and I really don't want to see you screw up your entire life because you felt a baby was going to cause you issues. The problem should be in finding the right ways to raise your child than trying to find a way to get out of the mess you've put yourself in.
Abortion can really harm your body just as much as giving birth to a child. I understand your body may not be mature enough to handle pregnancy but no woman's body is truly ready to abort a fetus. A baby can deplete your body of nutrients (which is why pregnant women need to take their prenatal vitamins) but an abortion can leave you scarred physically and/or mentally.
Women who have had abortions can experience problems later on. Many women suffer from major depression for years after having an abortion because, in the end, they come to realize that they have completely stopped another human life. The dates of conception, abortion, and the estimated day the child would have been born haunts many women for years. Some woman can't deal with this so much that they end up committing suicide. If that isn't enough, many women experience difficulty conceiving years later after an abortion--yes, it can render you infertile for the rest of your days.
I found a VERY interesting site for teenagers on abortion. These girls had abortions when they were your age and have gained courage to write about their experiences for other teens to read:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Most of them regret that they had an abortion. Many of them cannot get over that fact and have the dates stuck in their minds. I'm sure that when that date passes each year they are reminded of what they went through to rid themselves of a life they were developing inside of their wombs.
I also want to direct you to a site that shows a live abortion. It's in different parts because the speaker gives you a lot of information on what the fetus and the mother will be going through. The video shows the ultra-sound as the procedure happens. It is important you see this before having an abortion so that you know fully what will be happening--it is best to inform yourself well. Before clicking the link to watch the video, prepare yourself because it is real life:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
...Part 3 really starts to show the actual abortion happening. The speaker does add that the doctor that did the abortion never did another one and that the woman filming it never spoke about abortion again, though she was previously for it.
Yes, that is a real baby, really feeling pain and maybe even fear during such a procedure. You can see that it was fully aware that it was being harmed and was not oblivious to the foreign object as many people would like you to believe.
Just as a note, some states will not perform an abortion past 4 months, most are done before the first 14 week mark. Abortions after 24 weeks are only performed because of health complications just as another note. The further along you are, the more expensive it will be. Here is also some information on how different types of abortions are done and what the baby is like during certain stages of development when these practices are performed.:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Please know that abortion is not your only option. Please give yourself plenty of time to decide what is the best choice. Even if your parents are upset that you are pregnant they will eventually get over it. Some parents can be really hurt in the beginning that their son or daughter disobeyed but, in the end, they still love you. Many parents later realize that the unborn baby IS their grandchild and help their son or daughter to figure out how to raise the baby when it comes.
Please do not put your body through the mess that is abortion. Please do not end a life that you have been helping grow. If both of your parents are not aware, take your chances and open up to your parents about what has happened. Like I said, even if they are upset they WILL get over it. If you're scared, there is help out there for you. You've learned the hard way about sexual consequences but it doesn't mean you can easily throw away the result.
Think about the life the child now. Yes, you were selfish and did not consider this major consequence (pregnancy) but you don't have to be any more selfish than you already have been. Even if you're not able to give him/her the best life, someone out there can. When couples look to adopt, they tend to look for infants anyway. By taking this child's life and ending it before it even gets started, you destroy what chance they had at being something. The baby did not do anything wrong here and should not be punished by death.
Adoption is always an option of yours if you are not physically, mentally, or financially capable of caring for another human life. Please look into it if you feel you can carry the child but not raise it properly. You can contact an adoption agency in your area or you can relinquish your rights of your child and place it in the custody of the state for adoption. I've read something about Volunteers of America for adoptions being really good but I have no personal experience with them myself. Here is a link directing you to their site:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Just as another note, some agencies actually let the expecting party interact with possible parents to ensure they are giving their child the best chance at life as possible. You may want to look into those agencies to help find your child good, loving parents. It may even be possible for you to work out a way that you can still be in the child's life lightly as they grow so you're aware of their progress.
Please give your child the best life you are able to. It's so stupid and unreasonable for you to end a life because you were too scared about your own. You CAN find a way to let this baby live. Don't let others pressure you to murder an innocent life because they are afraid for you. Many women go through this same battle every day and are able to raise a child successfully.
I hope that you take enough time to decide what choice is the best before rushing into things.
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