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So confused.
20/f
So...I dated this guy for awhile in my freshman year (of college. I'm now a senior), and we're still very close. Well, we were. At one point I felt like no one knew me the way he did, and he felt the same way about me. We called each other our best friends, never referred to each other as exes and hung out for days on end, sometimes, and at the last day wouldn't want to part ways. He'd stay the night with me and cuddle me in his sleep, too. We broke up because the timing was just...bad. He couldn't handle what he was feeling for me, and I was freaked too, but instead of running I wanted to stick it out. He's a commitmentphobe, and he just wasn't ready to be in a steady relationship. He never cheated on me, though. I don't resent him for ending things, and I've forgiven him for the damage he caused.
He was my closest friend for so long, and all of a sudden I feel like he's pulling away from me, even though we've been hanging out more lately. He used to include me in everything he did with his friends, but last night he was gonna watch the basketball game with a couple of them. I was there 'cause we'd been hanging out before, and he was like "You can go if you want, ***'s gonna be here any minute."
Which is his way of trying to be nice about asking me to leave. So I responded, "I kinda wanted to watch the game...unless you just wanted to hang out with ***."
He said, "I kinda did, but I mean you can stay if you want."
So I took that as my cue to leave, put on my shoes, and walked out. I told him "Don't worry about it, I'll go home and do some artwork." (I wound up just watching the game alone) 'Cause I didn't want him to feel bad, or anything. He's entitled to want a boys' night as much as I am to want a girls' night.
I feel like I have to push and push to get him to hang out with me, when he used to call me every chance he got, just to say hi. He went to Vegas with his family over the summer, and called me five or six times a day because he missed me.
I don't get what happened. We didn't have any fights or anything, so I'm just...confused.
Not only that, but for god knows what reason, I really miss being with him. Our relationship pretty much sucked, and I haven't actually missed him in a really long time. I just keep thinking about how safe I felt in his arms, how I never felt the way about anyone that I did about him...still do...I don't know what's going on.
I guess I'm just kinda asking for some feedback.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You are obviously not completely over him yet. Maybe you know that things can not be the same as they were before but if you do have even the slightest thought that maybe it'll work out for you guys, then get that thought out of your head ASAP. It's unfortunate that he has commitment problems and all but that isn't going to change and maybe he is starting to feel smothered by you. At some point people just want their own space and even thought before it wasn't an issue for him, he may now want to distance himself from you a bit. The only thing you can do is not take it personally, because obviously you are and that's not a good thing. He seems like a good guy to have in your life but he is only your friend and you don't need all the drama that comes along with missing him. Just focus on your artwork and hang out with your girl friends more. Soon enough you will be done with missing him and you will be able to be more independent as well. It really does suck having to depend on someone but just remember that you can make your own happiness.
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Well you do have to kind of accept the fact that you aren't dating and you are just friends, therefore you can't get mad at him for not hanging out with you. It isn't that he is necessarily pulling away, he may just be hanging out with other friends and wanting to experience other things. I know it is hard to deal with losing someone, especially someone that you are really close to and feel safe with, but you really just have to let him go and realize that if you guys are meant to be together then you will and if not, oh well you will find someone better.
Maybe you could try talking to him and letting him know how you feel about him. You guys don't have to make a relationship out of it, but it may change his opinion and make your friendship stronger. Don't force him to hang out with you though, he may feel like you are suffocating him and if that happens then he is really going to pull away and you may lose him as a friend forever. Accept that he wants his space and give it to him, and in time maybe he will realize how much you mean to him and how much he misses your company.
Hope I Helped.
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