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Re: Can't Orgasm
First off, I'd just like to start by getting this off my chest: What right do you have to be making accusations about a persons personality like that? First off, the reason why I went out of my way to post that to start with was because it's important to her and because she wants to. Don't assume for a second that because somebody doesn't bother putting down all of the minor details that you know everything about the situation. This is something that has bothered her her whole life and she wants to do something about it. Yet you go on accusing me of doing this for pride reasons.
Now, as for things like why it'll be harder the longer it is, this is because the longer she goes with failed attempts the more mental walls she'll put up in her head, as well as the harder it becomes for the body to make new habits.
As for all of the more common place methods, I didn't list them because I figured it would have been rather obvious that they've been looked at already. She does masturbate, it doesn't help. She's used toys, didn't work. We haven't done anal simply for the sake of niether of us really want to. Yes, we've gone over most of the things she likes, but again, as she's never achieved an orgasm yet, it hasn't made much of a difference one way or another.
As I noted in what I said about her pulling off. It's not something she wants to do, her muscles all contract when she gets close which forces her to start to curl up. This is why we got the muscle relaxants. Not because I wanted to jump strait into using drugs to solve problems. Which for that matter, we chose herbal muscle relaxants so that it'd cause less strain on the body. She really dislikes the fact that it happens and she also was the one that said she wanted to after I suggested it.
While I respect the fact that you were trying to help, don't assume for a second that you have any right to be making judgements about people because you got a small glimpse of what their situation is. I posted that for some advice, not for a lecture in respect (although in all honesty I find it rather hypocritical that you'd speak to me of such things while making judgements of me). If you have any tips or suggestions you can make, then feel free, but besides that, keep your opinions to yourself.
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I read what you write. Not what you DON'T write so I make absolutely no apology for the assumption that the things you didn't mention, didn't happen.
I am sorry you were offended. That was certainly not the intention. I hope you can re-read my advice and recognize that at no point did I call you names or accuse you of being selfish. My only 'accusation' of you, was the opinion that your should reevaluate her level of interest in this activity. I did so because you spoke predominantly of YOUR interest and your feelings and less of her feelings on the matter, which I am sure you agree, are the most relevant and I am glad to hear you are fully aware of.
That assumption of mine, even if it were true, wouldn't make you a bad person, but that did make me feel you might benefit from a bit of a different perspective. Again: I read what you write. I have nothing more to go on.
You are completely free to disagree with my perspective and feel it doesn't apply to your situation. I don't mind that at all. I don't give advice because I feel I am 100% right all the time. I give advice because I have perspective and I'm willing to share it.
I do mind your assumption that I was out to get you or that I was making 'judgments'. As I said before, I read what you write, not your mind or the things you don't write. I responded accordingly.
You specifcally seemed hurt that I suggested you take your pride out of the equation. I am sorry that was taken harshly, but I have mentioned above why I felt that perspective might be useful to you, based on what you had written and how you had written it.
To elaborate that point a bit: Making sex the hard work of achieving orgasm can make sex stressful and not so much fun. You need to be able to keep things light from time to time to keep it enjoyable and calm and not make every tryst orgasm goal-oriented. The best gift you can give her is to let her have fun and relax from time to time and keep any disspointment from poisioning the relationship. Keeping things occassionally just light and fun will keep your friendship strong, and keep her from getting depressed about the situtition.
Please, don't think that by saying that I am 'assuming' you two don't have any fun together. I am simply sharing a perspective. Evaluate it for yourself. Accept it or Rreject it based on what you know of your stituation.
I would apologize, had I called your names or assumed you were an awful person, but I didn't and I don't think that. I have my own bias and my opinion on things. My advice will always be coloured by that. I also will not apologize for that colouring.
You came to this site, posted publicly, and offered a 'small glimpse' into your situation. I didn't drag it out of you. I did not force you to share. I responded to that 'small glimpse' with my opinion and advice, as you requested. I will not keep my opinions to myself on a public form because they might not perfectly fit a stituation. If I, or others, did that, Advicentors would not exist.
I happy to hear you have made all of the regular attempts to deal with the problem. That being the case it is probably time for her to speak to her doctor to find out if there are any physical issue. There likely aren't, but it's good to make sure.
Relaxtion tenchiniques (google: progressive relaxtion) will likely be safer, and eventually more effective at teaching her to relax then tricking her nervous system with muscle relaxants.
Best of luck.
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