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Second-guessing myself
Hi, everyone. i'm 14/f (15 this june), and my boyfriend is going to be 16 this month.
First of all, I've never really had a boyfriend before, so I don't know all about "what to do" and everything, but my boyfriend and I have kind of just decided it'll be chill, you know..not too stressful or whatev. In other words, nothing that would make it awkward.
we've been seeing each other for about a month now, but i've known who he is/he's known me since jr. high school. I've always had a huge crush on him to be honest but he'd had a girlfriend for about 2 years, '0n-and-off' or whatever, I guess.
Sooo here's the thing!
He's really an amazing guy, and I, being a hopeless romantic at heart, fell in love with the fact that he plays the guitar (we play together often now), like's quirky movies/music, and likes being outdoors and all the same things about it that I do. Not to mention he's really into philosophy, as am I. (most of the stuff we talk about is pretty deep...somewhat random sometimes, but it's nice to have someone else I can talk to about "the meaning of life" or anything for that matter =P)
Buuuutt......
He told me recently that he smokes pot, and that he drinks. which I knowwwwwwwww isn't uncommon in high school....but he's only a sophomore, and I don't really dig that whole scene....as in, i guess i don't mind if he does it really, but I just don't want to be involved in any way, like having him trying to convince me to do it or anything. I don't think he would, but I'm not sure.
he was very mature about telling me, and he said he wanted to make sure I heard it from him and not from some vulgar rumors or anything like that. It kind of just caught me off guard. (even though I had heard rumors, it was unexpected to just have him tell me one night.)
So, I really don't know what to do...I feel uncomfortable with the whole idea of it, and I just can't stop thinking about it. You know, like randomly imagining "oh, he's probably out smoking pot or getting drunk right now..." and I don't think it's even that extreme, but I'm just not used to it (most would say i'm very innocent, or even naive in terms of this kind of stuff) but i kind of am more into the whole "getting naturally high off life" thing. It seems like pot-smoking and stuff is just a waste of time, and i'm sure it's fun and all, but it seems so depressing and it's sad to think of him like that..i reaaally don't see him that way around me, but I am always paranoid that the topic will come up, and he just jokes about it, so i laugh nervously while really i'm freaking out inside.
please give me some advice...i definitely don't want to break up with him, i'm really into having just a chill relationship with no drama or whatev...and this situation is making me worry, which is the opposite of what i want.
I just don't know how to bring it up to him, and tell him i'm not into all that.
thanks so much for taking the time to read/respond to this. :)
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
well wat i would do is sit down and tell him you really love him. but if he does those things you might lose him so ussally he will relize that he loves you more than he like to smoke and drink
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Normally, I would say that this kind of situation would cause an unnessessary amount of drama, but if he's really as mature as you claim he is, there really shouldn't be a problem here.
My advice to you would be to sit down and talk with him about it, and during the conversation make it clear to him that you're not interested in smoking out with him. Then continue your life together. It doesn't seem like you're trying to change him in this case, and I don't think he'd let himself be changed just for a one-month relationship. Just do what you can to prevent any future drama from arising.
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