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PLEASE ANSWER!! yes its long but i seriously need help
Okay so i have a really bad anger problem. I know it sounds bad but i have a short fuse that is lit very very quickly. And i have this step dad and e just pretty much treats me like crap. He has threatened or as mom says "implied" that he was going to kill me. (like 5 times). I believe the first time he said he was going to lose it one day and the day he did i better not be there because if i was i was going to get what is coming to me. And like sometimes he will scare me. Like he would wait til my mom was at work and he would tackle me on the floor or something like he was wrestling with me and get on top of me and like hold me down and i would tell him to get off of me but he wouldnt. He dont do that anymore though. But like he treats my friends better than me.
And i used to love dogs. Especially my first dog. He was really the only being in my house i could trust. And then he died and i didnt have him anymore. And for a year i kept saying i wanted another dog and i finally got one, but i just really dont like this dog. He gets treated better than me. And i just, like i would care if he died but when he is around everyone else, i just hate his guts.
And my grandpa lives with us and he only wants me around when i do something for him, he dont say please he dont tell me he loves me. He told me he loved me a year ago and that was when he thought he was dying. And he treats me like crap too.
And my mom is just a bitch sometimes but i love her to death. She just doesnt want to believe that i am treated like crap.
and i bite myself when i get mad. It just like releases pain or something. And i just stop dealing with everybody because i figure why treat them any better than they treat me. And my mom yells at me constantly saying i need to watch my mouth or she is gonna kick my A** and i cant help it..and i recorded jackass number two..and my step dad deleted it! he said i didnt need to watch it so he deleted it and i was madder than crap. I just felt like putting a bullet in their head and that is the worse it has ever gotten. That was last night. And i cant tell anybody because they say im over reacting. But im going crazy over here. I would never kill them or myself but things are getting too bad around here. I am getting worse everyday. And last night also my cousins were over and they have a one year old and she was screaming at the top of her lungs and i seriously just wanted to pop her upside the head. I never want to hurt a baby. or any one. but i was just so agitated and i wanted her to shut up.
I bottle up all of my feelings because i have no one who will listen. My dog used to listen but he is gone. He was a black lab, he was my baby boy. And i wanted to get a black lab at the flea market but my mom wouldnt let me get one because i already have one but i hate him and he isnt mine. And like with my grandpa and step dad i seriously wouldnt care if they died. I am just sick of being treated like trash. That might sound bad but its true, im not wishing death upon them but i just wouldnt care you know??
What is wrong with me?? i feel so screwed up!! i am crying now because i dont know why...please help me!!
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All teenagers have anger issues, and no family is perfect. You are always going to fight with the people you care about, because you live with them, and sometimes you just get sick of each other. It's normal, it happens to all families at some point or another.
Your mom may call you names, and say things she doesn't mean, but you can't honestly say you haven't done the same thing before. I'm sure she loves you as much as you love her, but she's probably stressed out as much, if not more than you are. Talk to her one on one about how you feel and what's bothering you. MAKE HER LISTEN TO YOU. If you are honestly hurting, she has a right to know and try to fix it.
As for your dog & grandpa: I'm really sorry that your dog died. It's very terrible, but death is just a part of life, even for dogs. I'm sure he lived a long, healthy, and happy life. Be happy for that. Move on, and don't blame the death of your dog on the new dog you guys have gotten. If anything, confide in your new dog about your other one. This new dog hasn't done anything wrong, and doesn't deserve to be punished because of your bitterness. I love all animals, and don't like to see them treated wrong. And for your grandpa, old people are just plain mean sometimes. But that doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. If he didnt' love you, he wouldn't have told you he did before he almost died. Good point, huh? He's old and can't do stuff for himself sometimes, so he relies on his granddaughter. Sure, it may not be fun, but it is your responsibility.
As for your stepdad, do not put up with threatening/hitting/abuse (verbal or physical) Tell your mom, and if she doesn't do anything about it, the next time it happens, tell someone who will listen. And someone who will do something about it. The Jackass thing is not a big deal. Grow up and get over it. Yes, it's annoying I know. I have crap recorded all the time and my brother, mom, and stepdad go through and delete/record over it all time. It pisses me off, but I calm down, because there is no sense in blowing it out of proportion and getting upset over it. You know?
Don't bite yourself. That is a form of self harm, and it's not a good way to deal with your problems. Good things to do when you are pissed off is to go outside and run. I absolutely hate running, so when I run, I get pissed off about it and release all of my anger out into doing it. By the time i'm done, i'm still upset, but I feel a lot better, and i'm to tired to yell, that I go talk to whoever it was that pissed me off about what I want to. Another great thing to do is scream into a pillow. I love doing that =] It releases a lot of anger as well. Do something to get your mind off of being pissed off my watching tv, or something. And then talk to the person who pissed you off about why you are mad.
If you need to, leave the house and stay with a friend of relateve for a few days to get your mind off of everything. Just remember to wait until you are calm to talk about what's bothering you.
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