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Just trying to figure something out
Well, for the past week I have been debating something that has been going on between a friend of mine and myself. To start off I am 20 and he's 21 years old, we both go to the same college.
We've know each other for awhile now, were on the same sporting team at my school, we go to a school for aviation. We've been pretty cool to each other, pretty honest with each other. About two weeks ago a group of us went camping and got a little drunk that night and I had the idea to call a friend of mine from back home, in the process of the conversation that he had with my friend back home he let a secret slip that he has feelings and sexual urges to be with men but has been debating it because of his religious background (catholic) and his family.
My friend from home called me the next day and told me about what he had said and being that I have the same secret also which nobody knows I wanted to talk with my friend in question about this, we talked and he was okay with everything and he was happy that he had someone else to talk with. About a week ago tomorrow, we all went camping again, and my friend and I talked in private about some personal things and he brought up the idea about "experimenting" and so we did that night in our tent when everyone was sleep.
Not to be too graphic but we only had oral sex that night and after we were finished we talked briefly about doing more this coming weekend, to which we both agreed on because we would be able to be alone and not have to worry about being found by other people. throughout the days after I talked with him briefly by textting and so forth but his responses didn't seem right, so on Wednesday I wanted to talk with him about some things and he basically was saying that he was confused about last weekend and that he's been debating with God about what he has done and that nothing will happen past last weekend.
Well after our conversation I couldn't get what we talked about out of my head so I called him that night and we talked for over an hour about how I was able to be okay with myself and be able to justify my belief in God and how it was okay. By the way I consider myself Bisexual, I keep that as a secret and he's the only person who knows. But anyway after talking with him about what's going on he felt better and said "that as far as he's concerned this weekend is still on". He also told me he bought a box of condoms also.
In my opinion he wants this to happen and so do I but today I saw him again and he seemed kind of distant from me, we didn't talk too much only for a brief minute or two and also I sent him a text a couple hours ago but he hasn't responded yet. I know I may be feeling a little paranoid right now but I don't want him to feel uncomfortable about what were doing or with me which by the way we said it would be a friends with benefits thing which I'm okay with, we both don't want to be in a relationship with another guy so...
There's more to the conversations that we had but it's hard to type it all plus it was a lot. But basically my question is how can I talk to him and get him to be more comfortable with this and be more comfortable with me, personally I want this weekend to happen but not if he feels uncomfortable and I told him that the other day but I keep getting mixed signals from him whether he wants to do it or not, I mean he did say that this weekend will happen but he also said that he didn't also he seemed to have gotten prepared for this weekend also.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I'm sorry it took so long for me to respond. But as to your questions. To me it seems as if he is not sure of what he wants, his religious values/morals are making him unsure of what he wants. This is not something easy to decide, he has to decide between something he has believed in his whole life, and the expectations of his peers and family may also have some reasoning to his indecisiveness. I think he is fighting a battle with himself. He needs time to decide. And all you can do is be there for him, not only for his sexual fantasy or experiments. Maybe you should try to talk to him and tell him that you are there for him and if he is not willing be a sexual partner of yours then you must respect that, or else you could possibly lose a friend.
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