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dreads
so my boyfriend had longish hair .. and without telling me he got dreads.. and im not trying to sound like a bitch but it looks really really bad... and i like him a lot and we have been going out for 2 1/2 months almost 3 and like im trying to look past it but hes just the kind of person that cant pull of the dreads look.. what should i do? should i tell him .. i feel bad for saying this but everyone makes fun of him and sometimes its embarrassing to be seen with him.. what should i do?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Random Weirdos?
Personally, I'm opposed to just waiting until one of his friends speaks up, especially since you are fully aware of the comments his peers are making about the new hair-do.
I really think you should be the one to let him know what other people are saying behind his back. I'm sure you care deeply for the guy and it will mean a lot to him that you are looking out for his well-being in all ways. This will also help him to realize he can trust you. You aren't hurting his feelings or betraying him, you are doing the exact opposite by trying to help him out in this situation.
Personally, if I found out my partner had let me walk around looking like a clown for weeks, I'd be fairly upset and deeply disappointed with him. It would really mean a lot to me if my partner was kind enough to be upfront with me about a drastic style change I made that just didn't suit me properly. Nobody likes to walk around looking like a fool while their peers poke fun at them behind their back. I'm sure nobody would like to find out that their partner was aware of the situation the whole time and never spoke up about it.
However, I do think that you should not be blunt enough to tell him of your embarrassment when going out in public with him now. There is no need to hurt the guy's feelings. Just let him know that you do agree that his hair looked a lot better before this new style and you think he shouldn't keep it this new way. Do not suggest that you agree with any nasty comments others have said that you are telling him about though.
You may also want to relate to him a little when letting him know that his peers are remarking negatively about his new hair-style. Let him know that if you were him, you'd want to know what was being said behind your back. Let him know you care enough about him that you thought it was best he knew as soon as you realized others were picking on him. Comfort him if he is upset and do not push for an instant hair-fix.
If you do choose to let him know of this situation be fully confident that you are not doing it for yourself but for him. If you are solely only concerned about the hairstyle because of your own reputation then I highly recommend you take a step back and realize that he is the one being hurt in this situation. This means you do not need to push for him to restyle his hair or dwell on this matter. Have the discussion and leave it alone so he can decide what to do; however, if he asks questions or asks for your advice speak up and be honest with him.
People, especially young adults, tend to pick out any flaw they can about others to raise their self-esteem. I'm sure the style isn't as bad as what others are saying so don't be overly embarrassed about it. The most you can do in this situation is let him know you were more attracted to him when his hair was not in this new style. If he chooses to keep the new hair-do then you're going to have to make a decision to stay with him based on his personality and other things he can offer you or simply leave the relationship and look for someone more attractive to you.
I hope all goes well between you and your boyfriend.
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I understand how you feel, but I think it's probably best not to say anything. Unless he asks... then you could say something like, "I really liked your hair the way it was before." But otherwise, it's probably better if you don't criticize it. If you do, it would not only hurt his feelings, it might give him the impression that you care more about his looks than about him. Hopefully this is just a phase and he'll get rid of the dreads pretty soon. But if it's gonna take someone actually telling him that it looks bad, it'd be better coming from one of his buddies than from his girlfriend. In the meantime, try to stick it out! Once he's back to "normal", you'll be glad you did. =]
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