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Cheating Boyfriend
I've been dating this boy for about 3 months now, offically. Before that we were an "item" for a couple of months. I don't fancy myself to be in love, considering I'm 16 and don't consider myself mature enough to be in love. I do however care about him, quite alot. But there are a few catches.Theres an age difference. I was 15, and him 18, when we first started dating. I turned 16 two weeks ago. He's a senior, and I a sophmore. This age difference really doesn't matter to me, age is just a number. Its where you are in life that allows you to have a connection. But this age difference means that in August he'll be going away to college. But I knew this going in and have accepted it as the inevitable and see no reason to dwell on it. As someone wise once said "shit happens." I also don't expect him to keep things going with me after he leaves. A 4 hour drive is a ridiculously long way away for a 18 and 16 year old. I wish I was optimistic enough to think it would work, but it wouldn't. I am however optimistic enough to think that we could last through a 45 minute drive. We met through the Washington DC Right for Life march, and live in the same state, but in too different towns. It started off as us just wanting to be friends. But we were spending 6 hours on the phone. And meeting every other weekend. The second time we met we ended up kissing. But neither of us were ready to commit to such a distance, mostly because I couldn't drive. But as time went on we got more and more attached to each other and we finally decided to make things offical. It hasnt been easy. My parents are sticklers and won't let me drive the 45 minutes to go see him. And I can't expect him to drive that far with gas prices how they are every weekend. So we don't get to see each other as often as we would like. Another catch is the fact that he's a HUGE flirt. I mean, shameless flirter. And he's going to prom with another girl. She is one of his good friends, but I still feel 'iffy' about the whole ordeal. It would be different if she couldn't find another date, but she's drop dead gorgeous and if I didn't resent her so much I'd probably say she was pretty nice as well. This put stress on the relationship, but I've tried not to say anything. I'm trying to be understanding. But it still upsets me. Other than this the relationship has been good, great, up until the night before last. He told me he felt that our relationship was fake. He knew we both cared about each other alot, but the long distance was taking its toll. That he didn't want things to be over, but he didn't know how long we'd last. This came out of no where. No where. I swear. Then last night he got drunk and made out with his ex. He called me later still trashed and told me what happened. He said he was so incredibly sorry, that I deserved so much better, that he did it because he was drunk and thought I was going to leave him, that he'd never do anything to intentionally hurt me. I just don't know what to do. I love him. Not in love, but I do love. And I don't want to break up with him. But I don't know what to do about this. I'm not mad, just hurt. And I don't know what to say to him. I don't want to break up, but I can't have him doing stuff like that to me....any advice?
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Not to be rude but it seems to me like he does want to break-up, but he doesn't want to hurt you by doing so. So he is trying to do things and say things that are going to make you have second thoughts and think about breaking-up. If he is going to do this kind of stuff whenever you are only 45 minutes away and he is in highschool imagine how bad it is going to be once he reaches college. Things are just going to get worse. I think you should really talk to him and let him know that you care about him and all, but that you can't have someone cheating on you and telling you that things aren't going to last. Of course, they aren't going to last if neither think it will.
It would probably be in your best interest to end it now while you still have a choice and haven't gotten hurt really bad yet. You need to decide if he is trustworth enough, if you love him enough, if you care about the relationship enough, if it's not to any one of these questions then you should probably just let go. Yes, its going to hurt like hell, but think of how it's going to feel when he calls you one night and tells you he cheated on you or you call one night and a chick answers? Him going away to college is going to put 10 times as much strain on your relationship and if you are already having doubts know then you should let yourself let go before it gets to far. Sorry to be so blunt about it.
Hope I Helped.
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If I were the gambling type, I would bet he wants to break up. I doubt anything you do, or say or feel, will stop him from wanting to break up.
His actions sound like sabotage. They sound like the actions of someone who is trying to make the relationship end. When a guy says 'You deserve better then me' what he often means is 'I want out of this relationship but like you too much to dump you, so I'm just going to behave badly until you dump me...'
This wasn't going to last forever, and sadly instead of taking your view on things and enjoying what you two have for the time being, this guy sounds as though he can’t deal with that emotionally, and it trying to write an ending he CAN deal with. A rather messy one at that.
A lot of this relationship sounds like it was made up of you compromising yourself and pushing your feelings away for his benefit. Is it worth it to continue that for a few more months on the off-chance he might start to behave himself?
You know that you will either break up now or in a few months.
Either way it is going hurt. SO, all you need to decide is if you can enjoy and benefit from a few more months with him. If you are too hurt to do so, just dump him now, because if I am right about him hoping to sabotage you, then his behavior is going to get worse, not better, before the final goodbye.
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