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My boyfriend has depression and I want to help...
So my boyfriend's depression basically came back recently after being mostly gone for several years. Today I was talking to him and he sort of lashed out, and I didn't know how to take it. It made most of today sort of awkward, and he seemed to think I was mad at/going to leave him (neither of which are true.)
We didn't talk much today though, because I was mostly trying to think of what to do. Trying to make him feel better like I do when he's just sad didn't help, and so I couldn't figure out how to help at all. I was a little hurt about what he said earlier, but I'm okay now.
After thinking about it and reading up on depression, now I just want to help. What can you do to help someone when they're feeling that down? Is there anything else you can do?
Any advice would help, thanks.
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Well i have battled depression myself, its a complicated feeling that can happen from almost anything and anyone. I would say since your his girlfriend, its easyer to talk to you that on of his guy friends, but its still hard to talk about being depressed. How you should start out, is by telling him your with him, and whatever happens your going to be there, and also that your not mad, and even though you dont know the feeling, that dosen't mean you can't be there for emotional support. Thats what someone needs, not really the lectures and crowds, but a supporting person who they know they can trust and just lean on them, knowing its all eventually going to be ok. Reading up on this is a really smart thing to do also, to know the signs of anything else like if you see any signs of suiside. Dont smother him because right now are the times he just want to be alone and sulk, but just remind him that your always there, & one thing... whatevers ment to be will always find its way, one amazing quote that can mean a lot.
hope i helped
C:
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The best thing you can do for a depressed person is stand your own emotional ground in the face of mistaken beliefs. Don't get wrapped up in trying to 'prove' that you aren't thinking what he thinks you are thinking, just kindly and consistantly tell him the truth: That you aren't angry, just confused and unsure. That you aren't going to leave him, but you'll need some space sometimes to figure out what the best thing to do next is.
Listen to his problems, but don't try to solve them. Instead, ask him about how has dealt with these struggles before and what worked well for him then. Even share with him some of your problems and struggles with unhappiness. Focus on his strengths and the good decisions he makes, without being a mindless cheerleader. Don't shut down and try always to be strong or positive for his sake, that will only make him feel less competant and capable. Be honest about your own difficulties and negativity.
Finally, encourage him to seek help, from a doctor or therapist. You are not his therapist. You are his girlfriend. You can never be his therapist, and your relationship will be happier if you don't try. There is a reason doctors cannot treat thier own family members, and it's a good one.
So don't be his savoir or doctor or therapist. Be his girlfriend and be a friend, and encourage him and focus on the positive steps he takes despite his bad feelings. Above all, be honest with him about your feelings. That will decrease his stress and yours.
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