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my boyfriend is breaking my heart
i have a boyfriend who i love soo much and he says he loves me too. he told me he was in love with me but i dont think hes mature enough to be in a serious relationship because he never makes time for me. i told him im moving though and it seems like we have been having problems since then. i guess he could possibly be distancing himself? idk but he has the wrong ideas about how to have a relationship anyway.
ok so my question is he keeps letting me down becauase i keep saying i want to talk and work this out and this has been going on since Saturday! and he hasnt made time. he keeps saying tom we will, tom. but nothing is happening. i was going to just break up with him but first off i dont know what i would do without him-he has been my best friend for 2 years and my bf for 3 months. but my mom says to wait another weakto see what he does and that i should just be casual and not keep getting upset and just act like everything is ok and find out who he really is and what he going to do about everything. i keep waiting for him to show me he cares like he said he would but he isnt. should i wait another weak and not get mad at him (my mom thinks being upset at him probably makes him not want to talk to him-i dont yell at him or anything but my mom says im a lot of drama) the thing is idk if i could go another weak because watching him let me down over and over is just tearing me up. my heart is breaking because i put so much into the relationship that he apparently doesnt. and he doesnt want to change things so he has more time for me because i know he has time but he says he gives me all the time he can. he always calls and then is like i have to go do hw after talking for a while. sometimes 15 minutes sometimes an hour. but he gets home and doesnt do hw until after dinner or does hw but watches tv first and during his hw. i mkae time for him but he doesnt for me. i love him and we had such a great relationship. i put so much of me into that and gave him my heart. now im afraid hes breaking it and dont know what to do.
Bottom line: should i stay with him for another week and act nice and see if he reaches my expectations or break up with him so i wont keep getting hurt more and more.
also how do you tell yourself to stop caring because my mom said nxt week to just say idc if he calls or not w/e then hes not for me. but i cant not take offense to him not calling or not showing me he cares. and im moving in 2 months!! i just wanted our relationship to go until then! he still wants to date but im done i cant do this anymore. please help me im desperate. and i will rate for your help
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Forgive me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like your still in your teens.
I remember my first heartbreak..it was just horrible- I couldn't eat for three days and I cried and cried and cried...and now I remember it as a wonderful life and learning experience *probably sounds strange to you right now though*.
My mother came to me, while I was crying terribly, and told me that "time eases all wounds". At the time, I thought that I could NEVER EVER heal, but she was right...I did eventually feel better, sooner than I thought, and the wounds healed nicely.
Although, I have to admit, he was my first real love (not real romantic relationship..already had one of those..but head over heels, LOVE) and I still think about him and talk to him to this day..only now, we are just friends.
First, I would recommend that you don't "play games" that only confuses things. Pretending to not care when you do, etc. Don't do that.
Second, if you two are at the age I think you are, it IS likely that your mom is correct in a way. He is probably trying to distance himself from you, especially since your moving. Men, especially teenage males, don't know what to do about the relationship anymore than you do, and the last thing that most of them want to admit is that they are heartbroken: AND they have been taught NOT to cry- so instead they pretend not to care thinking it will ease the pain (doesn't work for them though-but they try). Fortunately, with good training, *heh* some males get over this social stigma in time.
And lastly, for your own benefit you must realize that you cannot make him do anything that he doesn't want to do..no matter what tactics you try. It may just only make things worse.
One of my favorite mottos is "Say what you mean, and mean what you say!"
Just be honest with him, but don't carry it too far. (Talk about it, then let it go) Like I said, he is likely trying to pull away from you because he is afraid of the pain. Males handle things much differently than we females do. Be persistent with your adoration, but don't call more than twice a day (unless he asks you too), and try not to let yourself become hysterical or cry uncontrollably around him (at this age he can't handle it, and will likely pull away more).
When you talk to him, be the warm loving person that you are, treat the relationship as you would have before you found out you were going to move..flirt, admire, whatever you used to do, and try not to think of the pain..draw him closer to you, rather than pushing him away. Stay open and caring so that he doesn't feel threatened by being near you.
You know that you are moving, so the best thing you can do for yourself is take care of your impending heartbreak, and prepare yourself for it. Remember that you are still young and I promise you (and I rarely promise unless I'm absolutely sure)that you will find love again.
In the meantime, enjoy the time that you have together and cherish it. You will have fond memories -but your love life is definitely NOT over nor is it at it's best!! Believe it or not, you will experience SO, SO much more rewarding relationships as you get older!
No sense in rushing into arguments, talking his ear off about it (he will just shut down and not listen) or "breaking up"..like I said, you have plenty of time for love and romance that will even be better than this (although I'm sure you don't feel this way right now), cherish the time that the two of you have, and look forward to the many experiences that will top this one 100 times over!
Hope this helps some,
Jasmine
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hello :) i agree is teen girls go through this alot.
if you;ve talked to him about how you feel, your concern over his probably 'distancing' himself, then give him some time to see if he changes. if he said he was gunna change and its been more than 2 or 3 weeks obviously he's not gunna change. im sorry, but i dont think u shud be crying for him, and putting in more than half the work when the guy shud be doing this. and as far as what your mom said...shes right! there are SO many gys out there, some better some worse. and if he's not willing to appreciate how much of a girlfriend he has then its time to kick him to the curb. not many girls will be doing this (chasing them and trying to keep the relatiomnship together) for so long.. you gave him an ultimatum??? if you didnt i suggest you do.. good luck and i REALLY hope you find a great guy, remember, its better to love sum1 for how they treat you than how they look...
flirty =]
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This is a very difficult situation and most teenage girls find themselves in this situation sooner or later. What you have to do is decide is he really worth it and do you want to be with him? You also need to think about it from his point of view. I mean he may really love you, he could just be scared about you moving. Maybe he doesn't want to get hurt so he is pulling away from to avoid getting attached and then getting hurt. Talk to him and let him know that you care about him and love. Tell him that you want to try and make it work, but for it to work that he has to give a little bit. You really just have to communicate with him, without it your relationship will never work out.
About telling yourself not to care, that is something that is reall hard to do. You don't tell yourself not to care but you just have to kind of push away from it and put it out of your mind. It is going to be very hard to get over him especially if you love him and this is your first love. If things don't work out then maybe try and be friends, having that connection may help, but it also may hurt more. In the end you just have to decide whats best for you and then go for it, with no regrets.
Hope I Helped.
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