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a posem i wrote tell me if you like it please
All the pain you given me
all the love that you let go
all the tears i shed over you
i was there for you day and night
i was there to stay with you all through the night
i was there when you needed me when you hurt me
i stayed with you all along and now that you let go of me i will forget all the good times you given me the light that you brought me the darkness in me that dissapered the happiness that you brought me the sadness i never got when i was with you i will forget and move on standing alone without you here laying in bed wishing you were here
sleeping without you here to hold me tight all through the night
waking up in the day looking beside me you wernt there i almost died i thought that was a dream but i was wrong it was true that pain you brought me when you walked out the door and never said goodbye
the pain you left me when you walked out of my life i will forget the times when you were here the times when you wenrt there thinking about you not here just hurts me inside to know you wont be here it feels like i lost a piece of me when you left a piece of me that i cant live without i hope your happy in your new life you were my life my only love
my lost love
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ok well this is my first poem i have ever made
i know i will get better
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This is nice, but not great. The ideas are good, and the emotion put into it is great, you can really tell what you're feeling. If you're interested in making it better you could try looking up different forms of poetry to make it flow a little better, or you could try using more imagery and such to make the reader "feel" the poem. But it is nice.
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Honestly, it needs a lot of work.
I have taken many creative writing courses, and in my most recent course, we have just finished our poetry unit.
This poem seems like an ameatuer's stream of conscious writing.
Anyway, your imagry is fairly decent, but, when writing poetry, you almost always have at least SOME structure.
This poem lacks flow which causes you to lose your readers. I didn't understand where you were going with it. It really didn't make much sense, either.
The first three lines make me think that something is coming, but really, they're just incomplete thoughts. It completely lost me.
How are you going from listing all of these thoughts to jumping to how you were there for the person. You need something inbetween that.
Also, to go back to structure, you have short, precise lines that are just getting longer and more complicated as you go.
The words in general are okay. You really need to work on the structure and flow of the poem.
Try going to [Link](Mouse over link to see full location) or search for poetry forums like this: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
People there will be able to advise you on how to better your poetry.
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