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Falling for your Best Friend who happens to have a girlfrien
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OK
so I've known this one guy since 7th grade. (I'm in 11th now) We were really close friends back when I went to public school with him during 7th grade. I transferred to a private school and have been in a private school since the 8th grade.
He's really good friends with my ex-boyfriend, whom, lets just say my parents put a restraining order on (long story).
So I work with my best guy friend. Let's call him B.
So since the 7th grade, I've somehow known that B has liked me all along.
A few months ago I admitted to him that I like him and he says he has since 7th grade and has not stopped caring about me.
Three problems:
1) My parents are REALLY strict about who I date and who I hang around, they don't want me hanging around many people from the public school in my town. It's not that it is a bad town or anything, I just have no idea why.
2) Like I have mentioned in the past, he is good friends with my ex and I have a restraining order on my ex. So my parents are not too thrilled that B hangs around my ex.
3) B has a girlfriend that he has been with for almost a year.
On New Years Eve when we both worked until closing time, we were talking and he just kisses me out of the blue. He said he knows it is not right but says he does not regret it.
B says he would rather be with me but we both know its kind of impossible due to my parents. We both work at the same place and usually after work is when we talk a little bit. We can't hang out together because my parents will think that my ex will somehow show up also.
B and I text each other and talk almost all the time. He always says things like he misses me.
Saturday, he came to see me when I got out of work.
I just have no idea what to do because I've started to fall for him. I really do not know how to go about handling this or fixing it.
Have you ever been in the same similar kind of situation?
What would you do?
Thanks a bunch!
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I dated someone my parents wanted nothing to do with i am not saying to do this but what i did way lie. i would tell them i was hanging out with my best friend but go to him instead. parents cant always know what is best when it comes to friends and boyfriends. just because he is friends with your ex doesnt mean he is like them. but parents will never know that. the girlfriend thing i have a coulpe things to say about. if you were to be with him how do you know he wont be telling a different girl this when you are dating him? He likes you that is true but he has proven that dating someone doesnt tie him to them. so you have to think about how he could hurt you. what i did i ignored my parents and friends didnt know my situation so unless you have been there you really cant say what to do. just trust yourself if you have to lie to be happy lie your heart out. always do what will make you the most happy. in the end you will prove to your parents you can make a good choice but you have to know he wont screw you over like he wants to do the his girlfriend he is dating now i have a saying never date someone you dont like more then you ex. If you can honestly say you like your ex more you are most likely to cheat on them so get over the person you are dating now and you need to make sure he is. i am saying this because he is dating her liking you more so she gets hurt and thats not fair thats all i am saying.
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You are not supposed to post questions to individual columnists AND the pool. If you must do this, at least make it less obvious eh?
Anyways.
'B' is a jerk. Did you miss the part where he has a girlfriend but kissed you anyways? Did you go into a coma when he declared that 'he doesn't regret' openly choosing to betray said girlfriend.
Can you ignore the fact that a male, who was so dangerous you needed to get a restraining order agianst him, is B's idea of a a really good friend.
Don't be a fool hun. I have never been in a position where I continued to crush on a guy who was willing to openly betray his girlfriend or be friends with guys who have abused me.
But I have had crushes on guys who just don't care that much for me, and it hurst like hell. I'm afriad that is the sitution you find yourself in here.
Two things need to happen if you have any chance of this ending happily:
1.) He needs to respect you, and his girlfriend enough to end his relationship with her. Even if he can't be with you, he shouldn't be with her if he doesn't want to be loyal to her. It's scummy for him to talk sweet to you while he is with her.
2.) He needs to respect the serverity of a sitution that required a restraining order to solve and cut off contact with your ex. Normally, I wouldn't say someone needs to choose between a friend and a crush, but when the law gets involved, that is a different story. Once agian, he needs to respect you, and the concerns of your parents, enough to end a friendship that very rightly, makes it impossible for you to hang out.
If this has been going on since before December, I'm afraid I don't hold out much hope of him doing either of these things. If he truly felt the kind of love and desire for you that he claims too, he probably would have already done both of these things. He hasn't. He doesn't want you that badly. He just isn't that into you. He just doesn't respect you that much.
I'm sorry. Please realize this crush is probably not going anywhere. Deal with your dissapointment, because I highly doubt 'fixing this' is going to happen.
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