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bullying
Ok well my sister's in elementary school, 7th grade. My cousin of the same age moved to that school last year and has done nothing bad but my sister's friends don't like her. They've been pretty open about it but we thought it was just minor things.
Recently, my sister has found out that they've been verbally bullying her behind her (my sister's) back.
My sister came in when they were just about to give this hate note to our cousin (with sentences contributed by everyone) but someone saw her come in and said "she's coming! give it later!" and they did, after school.
Now i am VERY serious about bullying. I told her to tell her teacher or tell the principle but she told me that she doesn't want to loose friends and be lonely for her graduation for next year and that they give out these "Problem Sheets" to people. She's also scared that the parents will come talk to her then. Is there anythign my sister can do that i haven't thought about?
I didn't try to even talk to my cousin about it, she has enough troubles already.
What can I do? I have the nerve to go to school and slap their faces but I was a very well posivtively known student there before, it wouldn't look good. Please help, this is serious!
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Here's what she should do: When your sister is with her friends have her confront them. Make sure she pokes one of them (not too hard) and say "I don't know if you're aware that (insert name) is my cousin or not but neither her nor I will put up with any crap whether you like her or not period when it comes to her"
"Furthermore, if you want to be seen with me or considered my friend lay off of her or you'll be sorry as I have no tolerance when it comes to anyone harassing a member of my family."
"By the way, I think it's sick anyone would pass around a hate filled letter about someone else in school. Thank God, nobody ever did it to you. If you really are my friends and care about me get to know my cousin before shooting your mouth off about someone you don't know. If you can't do that then don't talk to me."
After that both you and your cousin must never mention it again and be sure you don't react to anything they might say. Silence is deafening and once they see neither you or your cousin give a damn nor are paying attention to them they'll move on.
You OWE it to your cousin and her family to tell them what you know so they can deal with it in their own way as well. Let adults in your life know ie your parents and hers as they'll have tips and ways to handle it.
The other thing too is that most bullies are jealous of their victims and might be in envy of their talent, the fact teacher's like them or that they have more friends or positive attention than they do. The bully always has more problems than the victim period.
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Why not talk to your cousin about it?
You don't have to become one more of her problems, and although your suggestion to your sister that she inform a teacher was the right one, there is no reason to pressure either her or your cousin to tell as though that will magically fix it all. Although telling an adult is important, as you sister pointed out, it's not a magic charm, it is still tough.
Why not approach your cousin as just a supportive older female. Say you saw something go on and you were worried about her and that you wanted to make sure she was doing okay. If anything truly horendous comes out (physical abuse or shaming, depression or sucidal thoughts or something like that) then you should tell your cousins parents.
You can't make young teens do the right thing, you can only tell them what the right thing is and listen to thier perspective. Leting your cousin dump some of her worries on to you, without pressuring her too much, might be the very kindest thing you can do right now.
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