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it drives me crazy!!
im 16/f. my dad drives me insane. we both have high tempers and can get mad really easily. he flips out over everything! if his mail is not separated from the rest of the family's mail, he complains, he complains if im not in bed by 10pm (im freakin 16) i wouldn't be surprised if he called my dorm while im in college next year asking if i went to bed on time. he never ever thinks hes wrong. when he gets mad he always throws my stuff. he doesn't do anything around the house. all he does is the laundry but he barely does that! the washing machine does the laundry but he demands food and coffee from my mom all the time. once she was sick and in bed and he was lying next to her watching tv and he tapped her on the shoulder non-stop for an hour and a half until my mom finally got up and made him coffee and his excuse for not making it himself was "i do the laundry and fix the cars". he's rediculous and the only love he's ever shown me was by buying me stuff. he buys me leather jackets that i don't want, my ipod, computer for christmas and none of this stuff i even wanted but if my jeans get too small and i need new ones hes deffinately not going to pay for it. he only gives my mom $100 for food a month and for anyone who's been in a grocery store in the past 20 years(obviously not him), you can't survive on $100 a month for food. my mom doesn't have a fantastic income so it's not like she's much help with the money situation. my dad calls my mom fat all the time. my mom was going to get a divorce in april and we even started looking for appartments and houses for us to move out but she didn't have the money to pay for the divorce lawyers and all the expenses. she even told me that the only reason she married him was because she wanted children and she thought he was the last guy she'd ever meet. then once she got married they just had me and then when my mom wanted another kid my dad refused. they fight everyday even if we're on vacation or it's a holiday. my dad always starts the fights. nothing my mom does can ever be good enough for him. my mom got a new car, a car that my dad picked out and once they got it he complained that she made a bad choice, even though it was his pick, it was her fault they had to get that car because her credit was so bad. it's a nice new car too! i can't stand him anymore and my mom's been saying she was going to get a divorce ever since i can remember and then when we talked about it in april she was surprised to hear how supportive i was of it so she was more willing to do it.
ok besides that he treats my mom like crap the problems i have with him is that:
-he wont let me watch a movie that says any curse in it (even though i can buy my own rated R movie ticket in a few months)
-i have a bed time at 10pm when i'm 16
-he wont pay for my clothes unless they're from walmart or the dollar store
-he wont let me drive his precious honda, meanwhile my mom feels safer with me driving than my dad
-he only shows his love by materialism
-he doens't know the names of my friends and i've been friends with the same people since kindergarted
-he's in denial about my age and even though i'm 16 he thinks a guy who is 17 will be too old for me to even talk to
-if i voice my opinion about any of these issues he blames my rediculous outspoken behavior on my mother
-the other night his constant nagging about nothing and temper made me so frustrated that i had to go in my room, scream and cry like someone died....and then of course i got in trouble for being a baby.
-unless i'm a doctor, then no other profession will be good enough (i want to be an architect)
i can't stand him anymore and i dont know what to do about it.
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Wow.
Its interesting, because your situation with your parents is very like mine used to be, and at the same time is very different. (being a guy means some things were easier, like dating)
As far as how to cope with him, I wish I had some decent advice for you. My father drove me nuts in some similar and some different ways, and I was never able to do anything to make it better until I moved out.
On the other hand, once you're off at college there won't be much that he can do. Calling to check your bed time won't exactly work when you can tell him "Dad, I'm at college, I dont live under your roof or your rules"
Now, your mother is a different story.
If you want her to get a divorce, you need to talk to her about it, alot. If you don't, here's whats likely to happen.
You will go off to college, and you will obviously leave your parents behind. Without an ally (you) in the house, your mother will have a choice to make. Be alone, or conform herself to that which best works with your father. Theres a pretty good chance that she is worn down enough in her willpower that she will simply comply with his wishes.
So, in order to not be alone, your mother will change. In a few years, you won't recognize her. She will act differently and think differently, and will not be the woman you remember at all.
If you think they should be divorced, do more than just be supportive. Talk to her. Because if you don't you could well find yourself without a parent at all.
Its not fun.
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Hi..I think you and your mom should hang out with him for a while. I dont think you should go ahead and leave him after all these years. I think he will change one day and if he doesn't, you and your mom should just keep treating him nice and overlook is moody moments and show him that you love him. they say love is reciprocal "you get it back when you show it"..so just keep showing him love and you'll be one big and happy family again..He doesn't seem to be a violent father..If he gets violent all that then there will be nothing wrong with leaving him...I think he loves you though but he does not how to show it...that is why he gives you clothes all the time and over protects you by making sure you go to bed on time...just teach him how to show you love the right way...hope I helped
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Hell... Your life positively sucks girl. Now listen, I'm gonna give a totally first-thing-that-came-to-mind sort of advice, but as far as I see it, if you and your mom don't want that man in your life, then leave, both of you.
What are the chances that he will change? They're pretty close to zero. Stubborn, dominance-liking grownups almost never change. If you can't stand living with him, if your mom can't stand living with him, have a serious talk with her about leaving the guy. I know, he's your dad and all that, but he's also a crappy father and bad husband. It's better to not be rich and keep your nerve cells undamaged than to live with a brat-acting tyrant and feel like going crazy.
If your mom thinks divorce is too problematic and expensive, remind her that there are other men in this world, and it's better to be happy with the man you love, than unhappy with the man you can't stand. No woman should be treated like a maid by her husband. What are we, in medieval China? I would've considered doing a little matchmaking for her. Your mom deserves a man who knows how to treat a lady. And your dad must understand that he's not the center of the world. Maybe if he loses what he didn't cherish, he would reconsider his choice of behavior.
Aly - the bitchy one. ;)
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