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i hate myself
16/f
okay so when i was a kid i made some bad friends... which lead to some legal issues... and my dad was put in jail for awhile because my friends said that he was a sex offender, even thought later on they addmitted that it was a childish prank that went too far. anyway, due to the legal issues that my dad had to face he lost his mind and he thinks everyone's out to get him, he won't get any help because phyciatrists are "evil". basically i ca't deal with his mood swings but i have to because i ruined his life, which my sister, godfather, grandma, and some friends who know about the sistuation keep on reminding me. i skip school to stay home and help around the house, i'm always there for him, and i take care of and drive around my helpless 18 year-old sister because she "needs" to be taken care of. but i do all this without complaining because i hate myself and i ruined his life so i can't hlp but do anyhting he asks, he really is a great dad and he tries really hard... how can i say no to his requests when i owe him everything because we had everything and i ruined it?
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Oh, god! Sweetheart, I am truly sorry to hear this.
What I believe sets you back in all this negitivity is completely directing yourself to what happened. You had mentioned that your FRIENDS said your dad was a sex offended and that your FRIENDS admitted that it was a prank. YOU were not mentioned in it except for your mistake of picking bad friends. So, with all the information you provided I don't think YOU are the one who ruined his life. But if I am wrong and there's more to the story that dealt with you that you hadn't mentioned there is still ways to deal with this.
The most important thing to remember is that when we make mistakes it's better to learn from them that dwell on it. And right now it sounds like you keep dwelling on what happened. It's already done and over with. So rather than thinking of the past it's much better to move on. Once you're able to look foward in life you'll be better off helping your family and most importantly yourself. Obviously, you now realize that those friends weren't worth it. And you probably have a better sense of people who are good and people who are bad.
If it is so severe that you just beat yourself up for it all of the time you might want to get a professional to help you. Listen, I know you probably don't want to hear this but a BIG step in helping you cope is getting somewhat over it. And if you can't do it by yourself you might consider other options.
Sweetie, you're sixteen. It is not your place to be the parent for your eighteen year old sister and your father. It's very difficult to control everything in everyone else's life. What you should try to do is talk to your sister and your father.
Explain to your sister that she is older than you and she needs to start taking care of herself. You can't contribute to all of her needs. You would be happy to assist her every now and then but you expect her to be more self sufficent. There are little things she can do to help you out and that would help get some weight off your shoulder.
Your dad needs to realize that he is a great man so it would be wise to be positive around him. Once in awhile it's good to point out people's good qualities to them. It makes them feel better about their self. Gently talk to your dad and tell him what a great father he is. Bring up that you are so concerned with his health at the moment and that you would want him to seek help. Tell him what happened was beyond his control and what's most important is that you and your family realize what a great person he truly is.
Remember that YOU can not make him overcome this. He needs to be willing to do that by hiself. If he can't meet you half way there is not too much you can do to help him. Explain this to him if neccessary. This would be good for when he requests you to do something.
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It sounds to me that people around you are placing the blame on you when the blame should really be on those ex-friends of yours. You made one mistake by hanging out with bad people, and they are the ones who messed up your dad. Everyone makes mistakes; it's a part of life.
It's great that you help out your family, but do it because you love them and not because you're trying to make up for a mistake you made years ago.
As for your loved ones keeping reminding you that it's "all your fault", maybe you should consider talking to them about how this is making you feel about yourself. Just let it out and stop blaming yourself... =) Feel better
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