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i can't always think of what to say..
15/f
ok so i can be really outgoing but only when i'm around certain people. mostly when i'm with my best friend or a group of people or sister. but when i'm with my boyfriend i get so quiet/shy and i can never think of anything to talk about. i think he's kinda shy around me too because he doesn't really say much either but it makes me feeeel sooo awkward and stupid. i don't really want to tell him that but if it come to it i will. how can i open up more to him and think of what to talk about?
i think the reason is we've been dating 4 months almost and i dated him the day after i met him. i know that was dumb and i normally NEVER do that, like he's my first real boyfriend and he's awesome. any advice on that would be great!
also is it fake to act different around other people? i'm just really self concious around some people and quiet so my real personality doesn't show. i'm only loud and outgoing to people i've known for a long time,,is that like fake? i don't mean to be.
again thanks for any advice! :D
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It's pretty normal to act different around different people. When you think about it, it's almost necessary. You can't act the way you would around a teacher, or boss, as you would your best friend. It's pretty common for you to act shyer around someone you like. It just means that you want to impress him, that you're naturally more embarrassed around him because that's what liking him does to you.
My advice would be to not worry so much about what to say to him, or how smart your words sound. Sometimes it is important to babble, especially when the other person is shy, so that they can at least react to things you are saying if they are unable to come up with their own topics. Don't be afraid to stay on simple topics, such as: "how was your math test" or "What are you doing for the holidays?". Try to ask more open-ended questions, and answer with open ended answers. When he says something to you, relate it to your own life to keep the conversation going.
If all else fails, try some group dates, or spend time with your boyfriend and people you are talkative with all at once. This will get you two talking, and, later on you can refer back to things that either involve the group date or weird /funny things that happened to your sister/best friend, now that he knows who you're talking about.
Don't worry. After spending enough time with him, you'll (hopefully) be as comfortable around him as your best friend. Communication in romantic relationships is just like it is in any other type of relationship: it takes time.
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First of all, its not fake to act differently around certain people, as long as its for the right reasons. Most people tend to do it to hide some dark , disturbing secret. But if its just an involuntary complex, then its pretty much normal.
Best way to get a convo started to to simply ask, "how are you?" or "How was your day?". Most of the time, the other will start talking and give a good enough answer that you can relate to, and continue in an in depth conversation. If that doesnt work, get a prop. And by prop I mean, like a present or something. Go to some place social, like a fast food place or Starbucks(X3). You want to create a social environment, which can be hard at time. Sometimes, friends can be a great help in figuring out what to say. They start the conversation and you listen and figure out what to say to relate.
And take your time at this, it takes practice getting over shyness. And even more to build up Charismatic skillz to get someone to talk.
Hope this helps. b(^_o)
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