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how do i make my mum happy?
hi....
so my mum hasn't really the best of mums ( i blame my ass of a father for it) over the years (30 lets say) she has been repressed beaten cursed at yelled at threatened embarrassed in front of an audience and worst of all hated by sisters because of him. i am a psychology major... and despite that i can't seem to get through. what i have in professional skills i lack in personal interconnected emotional ones...... the reason she has become such a kleptomaniac and a very passive person is because of this ongoing constant abuse over the years. she isn't a saint... her sense of responsibilities and her inability to control her spending is unspeakable.... but that doesn't justify him treating her as a mule....
nothing makes her happy unless is it is super expensive or bought.... she doesn't act like a mother and when i try talking to her she becomes so defensive. sometimes she bursts into lapses were she thinks we are 5 and she has to take care of us and other times when we need her to be there or we'd like to talk to her she'll withdraw.... what do i do??
i really want a mom... i really want her to feel better... there is no way she'll agree to leaving my father..... i don't know what to do... i miss who she could be so much.....
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Probably all you really could do is sit down one day with her when she seems to be in a good mood and point out all that you are concerned about in a caring, loving way. She may not agree flat out to leave your father, but there are abuse hotlines and services for women in her position - you may want to go on an online google search or something to check it out. Abuse is certainly taking a tole on her personality, not only that, but it is against the law. As this is the case, you could call something like a hotline for further help even if your mom doesn't necessarily agree with it.
Have you talked to your father about this? There are counseling services open for abusive partners; the fact that you've witnessed him beating your mom and could easily tell some sort of person of authority is as good a threat as any to get him to go to one. As well, counseling for him might sit better with your mother, if she doesn't want to leave your dad.
As for your own relationship with your mother, you can't really take charge of her life, though stopping the abuse she faces would certainly be a good idea. You could try going out with her to the movies, to a play or something, just so she gets out of the house and has fun, or try just having downtime with her where you don't necessarily talk about anything serious might cheer her up. If she withdraws on something give her her space, and if she's being overly controlling you could either tease her about her mothering ways or just go with it; whichever. It shows you care about your mom a lot by you writing this on this site. Even without personal interconnected emotional skills, just letting your mom know you care about her, telling her you love her goes a long way.
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sometimes the best thing to do is to just tell her how you feel i kno that is goin to be tough but it may be worth it
& as for your father you should tell someone about that i kno that u will think your mom is gonna kill you for doin that but she will actually thank you for it b/c that would have been the best thing you could ever do for her
if you want to make her happier suprise her w/ just a day or longer w/ just you & some of her friends like maybe goin to a spa shopping or just hangin out some where that would keep her mind off of everything alse around her
or maybe just doin simple things around the house that she normally has to ask you to do or things that she does but doesnt really enjoy doin
...hope i helped good luck w/ her
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