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girl of my dreams or job of a lifetime?
Hi there. So, I'm in a bit of a dilemma these days. I'm at a fork in the road where I have to make a decision that might change the rest of my life. Let me just get to it.
A few months ago I got to hang out with a friend of mine... we begun to really hang out a lot, go on trips together, and just have a great time in each other's company. I began to realize that she is an incredible person who I could actually see myself possibly settling with. Nothing physical happened, though, b/c she is getting out of a long-term relationship and wasn't ready emotionally to move on yet. We just enjoyed hanging out with each other (practically everyday for 2 months) but, didn't talk about moving forward b/c of reason mentioned above. She's not from the U.S. and has recently traveled back to her home country to take care of a few things but, plans on being back here in a few months...
On the job front, I've just been potentially been offered a position that would start in a few weeks. The thing is, the job goes until October and, once I'm there, there's no leaving, visitors, packages sent, or any other contact other than e-mail and an occasional phone call. Except for the 40 or so other folks I'd be working with, it's total isolation. This is what I believe to be a once in a lifetime opportunity and, I could use the money. Like I said, I'd have to stay there until October at the minimum.
So, do I forget about the job, go after this incredible woman and hope something comes of it or do I take the once in a lifetime job and hope that she's still available/interested when I get back?
Ii just read that I should include my age, as it might make a difference... I'm in my early 30's.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Sounds tough. If you take the job, its a guarantee, but you risk losing the chance with your friend. If you decide to try and take things further with your friend, you lose the job but also take the chance that things might work out. There seems to be more safety in taking the job than it trying to go for a relationship.
If you were to think of having the job and having a relationship each worth a single point, then taking the job would guarantee you 1 point, and leaves you open for a still possible 2 points later on. If you forget the job and try to form a relationship, then your betting your money [no pun intended] on getting 1 point, with no way of getting back the other one. My point is that you have no guarantees with trying to form the relationship, but at least have one with the job.
If you don't mind the job and aren't dreading it, and it is the chance of a lifetime to do, then why not go for it? Also, you said she plans on being here in a few months. So she's not here yet? Again, something might come up and prevent her from coming back...and who's to say that she won't meet someone else to be more than friends with outside the US?
While it does seem like a great opportunity to keep things going with her, that might take time and work out great. If things fall apart all too quickly, you might have regrets about not taking the job. While normally I would say to put love before work, you aren't officially dating or actually married, so everything that could happen is up for grabs, including nothing happening at all.
My advice is to take the job. It still leaves the chance open for something to happen later. You could still keep in touch here and there with her. It doesn't seem to be a long-term friendship, for over several years, so those feelings and good times could just be short-lived. At least with your job, you'll earn some money and maybe even have the time to form other friendships there. Hope that helped and good luck.
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I don't know if you believe that there is one girl out there for you that is perfect for you and only you. I do if she is the one it wouldn't matter if you took the job. Best of luck hope i had a impact on your decision.
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i agree with jack.
since you're not technically in a relationship with her yet, i would go for the job. you can explain to her that you do have feelings for her and would like to pursue a relationship at some point, but right now the job is the best thing for you. besides, if it does work out between you two, if you have a high-paying job, you will definitely be able to support yourself and her. if she is as awesome as you say she is, she will understand. i know that i would. but talk to her about it before you take the job. that's the key here. the job is something that can be set in stone- however, at this point she is not.
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I know that you probably won't value the opinion of a 16 year old.. but I honestly felt I needed to answer this question because this is the FIRST question I've seen in 2008 that is actually asking for advice. Congratulations ;].
I would say go for the job. I know that that sound unromantic and just selfish.. but think about it. If this woman were seriously "the one" she would be willing to wait for you.. as this sounds like the job that you've wanted all of your life. The question is are you willing to wait until October for her?
I honestly think that you should set up your personal goals and such before you get too involved. Think about it.. a job is something you'll have to have for awhile.. and since you're already 30.. I think that taking this job is a smart idea. People are very indecisive. I'm not saying this woman is.. but people tend to be. She might realize while you're gone that she isn't really interested. Or she might realize that she never really was interested.
So let's say that you take the girl instead of the job. Then let's say that you two get in an incredibly huge fight. She breaks up with you and never talks to you again. What happens then?
I guess what I'm trying to say is that the job is a for sure thing. It's going to be there. You probably won't get fired unless you really screw up.. but the woman isn't necessarily a sure thing. She can change her mind in the blink of an eye.
So, my advice to you is to talk about it with this woman and tell her that this is the job of your dreams.. and if she isn't willing to let you go- well then I don't think she's worth it at all. Relationships involve sacrifice, and if she isn't willing to give up a mere 9 months when we live over 800+ months in our lives.. well then what does that tell you about the type of person she is?
If you're religious, then pray to God or whomever you believe in, and ask for His guidance. If not... then just ignore that last sentence.
Best of luck =]
--Jack
(16/m)
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okay, well. i'm not going to tell you what to do because this is up to you. i'm just going to point out a few things that you should think about.
first, the girl.
you said she just came out of a long term relationship and wasnt stable, and you also said youve hungout alot. Not to burst your bubble or anything but she might just be using you as a rebound, but like i said im just pointing things out. Also, she might just be looking for a good friend she can talk to and spend time with because she needs to keep her mind off things. and out of it you may or may not get a relationship out of it. so i suggest you talk to her.
second, the job.
you said it was total isolation until october, at least. e-mail and once in awhile a phone call. Thats almost 10 months of not talking to your family, not seeing them. or your friends. like, if i were you. i don't think i would be able to handle that. if it pays good, then maybe you could save up and then go to wherever this girl lives and make a surprise visit or something.
k, well i hope i hleped a little at least. but, i'm only 13 and i don't know much about big decisions like this yet. but, i tried.
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