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I'm an emotionless monster, but I can tell which is even mor
14/f
I understand if you don't want to read all of this. But I seriously don't know what's wrong with me.
I've always been a very bright student, and I make straight A's.. People depend on me for advice, and they usually become attached to my happy and cheerful personality.
Even though people depend on me emotionally, the truth is that I fake a lot of my facial expressions. (Horrible!!!! My smiles should be from my heart!)
I now LOATHE long car rides, because I think a lot when I'm in a car. Why? because there aren't many distractions. In one of my more recent car rides, I realized that I am mentally unstable.
I realize that I use people to make myself happy. I usually use whomever is more convenient and whomever I can easily part with.
Lately, I've found that I don't have anyone to talk to that is as smart as me! It's really frustrating to be around a bunch of people who I can't really tell everything I think about to. Because if I did, people would think I'm a monster!
I'm very blunt to people, and don't respect elder people. Why should I have to act special around them? It's not MY fault they're old!
I'm an amatuer (not sure how to spell it) author, kids in my class devour my compilations like hyenas to raw meat.
I think my way through everything. Like crying. Lately I've been crying uncontrollably. Gosh, I sound so emo. Little things just set me off. But I think my way out of it after a while....
What is wrong with me, if anything at all? Or is it just that I'm smart (no, I won't get a big head if you tell me that)?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Okay... I know exactly how you're feeling.
I was the exact same way when I was your age. Being smart is a gift and a curse, and its all in the way that you use it.
I think its not so much being emotional, but your thoughts are so highly charged with... smarts or whatever, that you can't STOP thinking. Everyone else takes longer to process the same thought, so the sped up process means you have less time to accept it. You really need to just calm down a bit, and think about what you're going through.
email me... we can talk.
black_lipstick_kisses@hotmail.com
*hugs*
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Hey =)
You sound stressed, and this matter certainly isn`t helping. Are you sure you don`t have anyone that smart to talk to? Perhaps the 'elders' with some life experience (maybe a friend`s older brother or sister?) could help you work through some of these problems. Adults, whether they are a few or many years older, can be great role models. Or you could always dicuss your emotions with someone from this website, a counsellor or a friend. Long car rides to think are good for you. As you get older you will change, and become more aware of who you are.
Usually it is the most complicated and difficult times which shape who you are, and most importantly, who you wish to grow into. Why are you crying? Of course hormones and small annoyances will set you off if there is a bigger issue which you are avoiding. Crying is a good way to release your stress and emotions, but sometimes you really need to be strong and wise enough to work through it. I see that you say you know this, but do you really? You need to work at figuring out who you are and want to be. That`s a great metaphor as to how much your peers enjoy your work, but why must you sound so negative about it?
You should congratulate yourself for being intelligent, but not hold it against others. Maybe your lack of respect for elders comes from your own insecurities. Many of the things you said make it sound like you are reassuring yourself that you are smart. Of course you are - you identified a problem and wish to resolve it. As for the straight A`s, just realize that 'book smarts' and 'street smarts' are usually entirely unrelated. Doing well in school is great; however, it takes other types of intelligence to succeed and overcome the challenges you will be faced with. Communication is a valuable asset. You should not only respect adults and your peers, but also, you need to respect yourself.
Why do you enjoy being who you are? What meaning can be found in your writing? How can you improve in every way possible? Are you reaching your full potential? Who do you want to be? These are questions you need to ask yourself. In case you haven`t noticed, I think a long question deserves an equally long, detailed answer. I am only two years older than you, but I have gone through many of these issues in my own life.
No matter who you are, you need to be able to respect the people in your life. Maybe next time instead of using someone else to make you happy you should be committing yourself to doing something on your own, which brings equal or greater satisfaction. Hobbies (such as writing), exercise and other things which you can do alone are great. I`m not sure if you can call it a hobby, but mine is self-improvement. You are in charge of your life, emotions and actions. Use it. If you can work towards a greater understanding of yourself (especially who you want to be), you can achieve anything you want, and overcome any difficulties. I suppose this answer sounds cliche, but once you relate it to your own life (I don`t know you, but I have been there..) it all makes sense in a unique way.
The basis of being happy comes from a few things. Most importantly is health: you need to exercise, eat well and sleep 8-10 hours per night. If you already do this, that`s great! You need to know you are important enough to be healthy and really put effort into this, as it provides the energy you need to move onto more complex issues. The next is confidence. Every challenge you overcome provides reassurance that you are great and able to succeed. Set many goals and pamper yourself - do you like to get dressed up and look great? Well do it often, because you only have one body and you deserve to look your best. Appearance may not count for everything in life, but it can certainly showcase your great (soon to be uncovered) personality , true smile and intelligence. Yes, intelligence can be portrayed through appearance. Dress nicely and you will be confident, which leads to good communication and speech. Once you are feeling and looking great, you will stand tall and realize you won`t let anything bring you down.
In a few years, everything in your life will change. With your grades you can do anything you want, perhaps go to a renowned university and be surrounded by people as intelligent as yourself. You really just need to treat yourself well, set goals and keep your chin up. You have to realize that you can be whoever you want, and that once you are confident your great personality and gorgeous smile will just come naturally. Don`t worry about what other people say, you know yourself best.
I`m not sure what else I can say. You don`t need reasons or excuses as to why you are feeling unhappy. You just need to realize that you only live one life and are entirely in control of it. You deserve, and are capable, of being who you want, and leading the life which interests you most. If you need me to clarify anything I said, or to answer other questions, just ask!
I really do hope this helped, through all of the cliches and things you have (probably) heard a million times, I am sure you will put the important pieces together and know what needs to change in your life. Confidence and achieving your goals will go a long way on your path to feeling better. Good luck!
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