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1 year of sexing-up.
Here's the thing, I've spent several months trying to get over this guy who only used me for sex.. in the end i was a disapointment to him because he didnt get any, and i wasn't as good at fooling around as he though I would be (i made him think i was experienced although he was my first kiss) so now im thinking on giving up on getting over him, and spending this year apart from him (i only see him during summers) to get experienced, to get beautyful and sexy, to get confident.. so when i see him I could prove that I'm not a disapoinment, that I am actually desired by others and .. well, we'll see.. if I want him, I'll get him.. if I dont.. i will atleats have proven him wrong.. and fixed the bad experience we had together last summer.
I know this sounds like a bad idea, but can anything bad really come from giving it a shot? I know it might not go as planned, he might have a gf or i might not be able to turn into this sexy babe or whatever, but what harm can come from trying?
Give me any advice or experience you might have on this please!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I have advice for you, but let's start off with experience:
In my first year of university I got dumped and cheated on. Not in that order of course. So, I determined that it must have been because of my weight. He had made comments about me not being as healthy or trim as I ought to be.
I dropped about 25 pounds that summer. I did it naturally, no eating disorder or the like, but I did get frighteningly skinny.
In September, the guy in question did notice that I was looking good he even propositioned me, but here is the kicker: I didn't give a rat's ass by then. It didn't make me feel better. In fact, I was even more disgusted with myself for bothering to loose all the weight just to prove something to him and for ever dating some one like him the first place. I had lost 25 pounds and most of my self respect.
In the end, it was disappointing and useless. I would have been better off spending the summer learning how to knit. I slowly gained the weight, and my self respect back, but yeah, it probably took almost a year for me to feel 'normal' again. Then I moved on to new and exciting people, and never bothered myself over him again.
He was an asshole, who would have cheated on a skinny girl just as quickly as a fat one. He was a lair and skank. I knew that was and am better then he is so I had nothing to prove to him. I tried it, but it didn't do anything for me in the end except make feel a little ashamed that I worked so hard for reasons that weren't my own.
So. Is your idea a bad one? Hell yes. You already know that! Your idea is acting for someone else. Your idea is to change yourself for someone who doesn't even care about you.
But go ahead. Do whatever you want. Just don't expect any reaction or comment on his part to change the way you feel. It won't. It really never does. After a year of 'sexing up' you'll probably dislike the person you are even more.
This is one of those situations where the best advice is to just get the fuck over it honey. Do what you want to, beautify yourself, drop some weight or even sleep around. It won't really help though until you make the choice to just leave it behind you.
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Bad idea. You shouldn't have to prove yourself to him - or anyone for that matter.
I know it all seems pretty harmless, but you can still get hurt alot.
Let him see you. See how much you've changed. Let him want you. But don't let him have you.
He sounds like a fool and he definitely doesn't deserve someone like you.
You say he's ruined things for you in your additional info... Well, you should be focusing on getting over that. Not dwelling on it and trying to get someone like him to think differently of you.
He had his chance and blew it badly. He lowered your self esteem and made you think you were bad at things. I bet he's hardly mr experienced either.
Do yourself a massive favour and save your changes for someone who really matters.
P.S. Within time, you will get over your fear of intimacy. Forgetting him is the first step.
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