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should i write my mom a letter
My mom gives me mixed messages on things I buy. She will tell me she doesn’t care how much or what I buy but sometimes when we go to a store and I am going to buy she says you don’t need it or it is ugly so I wont buy it: (But the jewelry I do buy which is a lot my mom admires and tells me it is beautiful.) Here are examples:
(1) This past summer We were at a crafts fair and I was looking at rings and I had a few in my hand and she said "how many are u going to buy" later on she said she did not care what or how much I brought. She told me that the only reason she did not want me to buy the rings was because they were ugly. (They were ugly and that was why I put them back and did not buy the rings) ((THIS INCIDENT HAPPENED OVER THE SUMMER))
(2) When I went to a 99 cent store with her I wanted to see about purses (some stores sell beautiful purses for $1.69 - parachute material similar to LeSportac). I have a lot of purses at that price to. As I was taking the colors I wanted she grabbed them out of my hand. Later on she said that the reason why she grabbed them out of my hand and said I don't need more was because she wanted to leave the store. (THIS HAPPENED A YEAR AGO)
(3)TODAY: My mom and I went to National Wholesale Liquidators to buy a few jars of coffee. On the way out I saw something that looked like a bracelet so as I went to look at it and my mom said it was ugly. This got me mad so we had a huge fight. I said to her I thought you do not care what or how much I buy and she said I don’t but you don’t have to be compulsive. That is when I said to her but I get compulsive when I go to the 99 cent store and she replied that is different - that is a place that supplies jewelry. I said to her “but would you grab the jewelry out of my hand at the 99 cent store” and she said “you just brought a necklace today at the 99 cent store when I was at the bank and I didn’t say anything but at the same time I don’t go to the other 99 cent stores with you.”. At home at dinnertime she said to me she wants me to save money to pay rent in my own apartment and last week when she and I went to a department store I didn’t have to buy 3 pairs of pants in three different colors one would have been enough.
My question is what do you think of the messages she gives me and should I write her a letter explaining how I feel which is if she did go to the 99 cent stores with me and she saw me buying 30 dollars of jewelry she would grab the jewelry out of my hands even though she swears up and down she does not care how much or what I buy she just wants me to pay rent.
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Yeah, I agree with the person below. Confront her again, and maybe if she still refuses to listen, then write a letter explaining everything.
This isn't part of the question, but I think MAYBE I know why your mum is acting like this. She obviously wants you to save money for when you're older. For rent as she stated. I think maybe, she doesn't want you wasting money on things she thinks are junk and you won't wear or use, because they're ugly. However saying she doesn't care then behaves like this is a bit weird, the only thing I can think of is that she's trying to not intrude, and doesn't mean to but accidentally does it. Or, she tries to make you think she's not trying to do it.
Hope everything goes well soon :)
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Writing a letter isn't smart because it will desensitize you. You won't be thinking about how she'll feel.
Instead, pick a time(not when either of you is stressed or upset) and talk to her calmly, saying something like "Mom? I'm not sure what you think about my spending money. Sometimes you make me feel very responsible about purchases, and tell me that you're not concerned, but some days I feel like you're upset with me. Do you think that I shop responsibly or not?"
Pose it as a question, not an accusation. :)
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