|
Racial Issue
This is a complicated issue and I would like you to realize it's not as simple as it sounds before giving me advice, and telling me what the "obvious right thing" to do is.
I live in Sweden. There's a lot of rasism here. The blonds (swedish) all assume anyone who's brunette is uneducated, a trouble maker, and criminal. The brunettes (anyone born anywhere else) all assume the blonds are boring, dorks, judgemental etc. This goes for every age-group. I've heard my 10 year old brother and his friends talk about it. And I teach a sunday school class where I constantly hear things like "i got this bruise from a brunette..obviously" or "dont play that game, only the blondes do". Same goes for grown-ups, swedish people dont hire "immigrants" (even if they've lived here their whole life!) and the brunettes all assume the blonds are alcoholics who cheat on their spouses. Its awful. It sounds like nothing, but imagine constantly hearing your brothers, parents, friends..even TEACHERS! talk about this like its completely normal, and acceptable.
For me, this problem is even harder. You see - I'm half and half. Sure I have black curly hair, but I also have big blue eyes.
I had always been one of the brunettes (which means i listen to hip hop - i have no other choice really, i smoke, i skip school, i party a lot.. and laugh a lot) but one day I realized I didn't want to do that, I realized I kinda like rock a lot more... and I want to get good grades, and be a good person (brunettes bully blondes..) So I switched sides. It was possible for me to do since I have blue eyes, otherwise that wouldnt have been an option.
But it's been REALLY hard. I got over the fact that people talk about me and call me a fake pretty fast, because I realized I was doing the right thing. But I always stand out.. get looks from people (i kinda stick out being the only dark haired girl surrounded by a bunch of pale blondes!!) and I hate to admit it, but it does bug me sometimes. I feel like I can't go over to my friends house since their parents are blonde and I'm brunette and I know they judge me for it. Yeah, well I would have just "not cared" if I felt like this was where I belonged.. but it gets worse..
Recently, I feel like I made the wrong decision. I don't fit in! They bore me, they don't have my sense of humour..at all. I have no fun with them because they don't know how to have fun, and we just dont click.
I don't fit in either. And there's no going back to being a bad girl even if I wanted to, they've placed me under a label now. I'm the wannabe, The traitor. they'll never give me a chance. I don't know if I want one.
I've tried finding others like me, but it didnt work. I've tried being a loner, but I'm miserable.
What do I do?? I've already tried moving to another country (which worked great, i had friends of every kind in america and it was so much fun!!) but then there was a family problem and I promised my parents I'd stay here all through highschool.
I'm just so alone, any suggestions?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
More Questions: |