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Family + Me = Arg
So, I guess you guys get a lot of questions on here talking about "I hate my parents. I want a life. Rawr" etc, etc. But really, I feel like a total outcast of the family. It's like they don't need me any longer and I'm just a pain in the ass for them and nothing more.
Here's the thing: They hate what I love and I'm not being overdramatic here. I love piercings, tattoos, rock/metal music, vegetarianism, and etc. They are homophobic, racist, and pretty much conservative about everything. They even hate my friends...I mean I'm already banned from my best friend and my best guy friend for stupid reasons. and I don't know. I feel like they don't care about me at all.
I know for sure that I have depression. I've had it since 4th or 5th grade, before I even knew what the word depression and suicide meant. I've told my mom that, but she didn't believe me, which hurt a lot and still does although it has been 4 months since I've told her. My sister who is going to turn 20 in 2 months always tells on me, when I have done nothing to wrong her. And she's like the freaking perfect daughter, which just lowers my self esteem further down the drain. My dad, well he just always sides with my mom and doesn't even care about me unless I show interest in exercising with him. But I don't know. My mom is the hardest on me out of all of them.
This Friday I just started crying as soon as I got home from school because I was really overwhelmed with schoolwork and the audition next day and everything (and reportedly my best friend since 6th grade got high over the summer and we vowed to stay sXe since 8th grade--but my mom doesn't know about that) And I was just really stressed that day and my mom started to scold me saying that if I had practiced the violin over the summer, than I wouldn't be having too much trouble with the audition tomorrow and blah fucking blah. So that hurt me more (again) because I really needed someone at that time and my mom just started to yell at me for crying. Then today, my mom just blew up at me because she was sick of me being a vegetarian and how she hates cooking two different types of food and blah blah blah and she yelled at me, telling me to make my own food from now on. Well, excuse me but I did cook my own food all throughout summer in addition to cooking my parents' when they were constantly phone fighting with relatives. And I never told her that she had to cook for me.
My mom pretty much hates me now. I know it and the feelings never gonna go away. I was thinking today that I had no reason to live and that I had nothing holding me back anymore. I can't see my best friend except every other day at school for like 40min now. My family doesn't need me. I have nothing to live for. I was really close to packing and just leaving the house today, if not kill myself. And I was thinking that only if someone could show and tell me that they needed me, I'd feel like I was a human being that someone noticed was alive. I don't know. I;m not getting any better with the depression and my mom being so against me is hurting me so much.
I can't talk to them. None of them. I've tried so many times in the past but it always ends up with my mom yelling the crap out of me and making me inferior and wrong all the time. I really just gave up. I don't know. I need to know what I'm suppose to do because I'm lost more than ever.
15/f
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I am not going to sit here and try to break this down. Your family needs help. You need help. When you start talking shit about killing yourself, and I am going to give you this from a Biblical and christian perspective. The Bible says that God will never put more in your life than you can handle. If you put the thought of suicide in your head, than you are also putting the thought that God has broken His promise and put more crap on your hands than you can handle. Therefore you start to doubt God. I grew up in a chr3istian family and God has put me and my family through the ringer more times than I want to remember. My dad was the greatest Sunday School teacher and dad in the whole world. I turned 13...dad got ex-communicated from the church. I turned 18...dad threw me out on the street for my lack of respect and I never heard from him again. Mom was awesome. But when they split up, she stole me from dad. She later gave me back to him because she could not handle me. My half brother was and to this day still is hateful and no matter how much I love him, we will never see eye to eye. My little bro and I have learned to get along with each other and have no problems at all. My step siblings I only had for a brief moment. Then my life problems really broke my relationship with them. I have been through 2 amilies and now am with family # 3 and I am 20 years old. Family is important, but if your family is not treating you right, there is something wrong. My dad threw me out because of my lack of respect. I respected him until I saw no incoming respect and then I quit giving. When he saw that, he threw me out with nothing but the clothes on my back. I have come to realize that I caused a lot of my families problems. I have also realized that I need to take a step back and think about a lot of other things. I finally gave my life and my will over to the care of God as I understood Him. If you have never thought of church, try to go. Talk to a pastor about your problems. They will pray with you and for you, but the prayers will really work if you are praying for yourself. I prayed for myself and now I have come to accept Jesus as my LORD and Savior and have been baptized and now I hold a place in Heaven with Him when I die. Just think abiut it for a bit. You talk about Hell on Earth, what about hell in hell?????
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