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My friend.
Dear Advice Giver,
My best friend has a new boyfriend. She really thinks a lot of him, and they spend a lot of time together. My friend barely has enough time for me anymore. I don’t think he’s good enough for her, either, but I’m afraid to say anything. What should I do?
-Rejected
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I've been through this with probably all of my friends & some of my family members. Whenever someone gets a new boyfriend/girlfriend, this is something you need to expect & get used to [unless that person is usually good with keeping a balance].
I'll share my most recent experience with you. My cousin met a girl, and they started dating last year. They spent all their time together, and he changed a lot. Whenever she was around, he acted stuck up, and he just couldn't be himself. He wasn't goofy, nor was he normal as jokey as he used to be. He was serious, uptight & it really bothered me that he couldn't be how he normally would be. If he even made a joke or did something funny, she'd snap at him & tell him to act his age. Now, you'd think he'd dump the bitch or at least set her straight, but he listened to her & the changes never stopped. Now they're engaged & their wedding is actually next week. Sometimes, I don't even see him for months at a time. Whenever I invite him somewhere because the family is going out [we're a really close family], he makes up an excuse not to come. Sometimes she doesn't feel good, sometimes he just wants to stay home, or sometimes she just doesn't wanna go out. Either way, it's annoying for him to keep ditching us.
Eventually, I got sick of the bullshit [as did everyone else] & I decided to voice my opinion. I spoke up for myself, and for the family. However, that was a mistake because my family ended up ganging up on me saying I put words in their mouth [even though I didn't], and it just ended in drama. My cousin even told me that if I didn't apologize to his fiance, I wasn't to come to the wedding. I to this day have not apologized simply because I won't mean it, and I'm not going to say sorry if I don't mean it. I don't throw around serious phrases like that, and I don't really take them lightly. He's forgotten what he said to me, either that or he thinks I said sorry.
Anyways, moral of my story: Don't tell her how you feel. You could have known someone your whole life, but once you tell them the truth about how you feel about a situation, they either get pissed & ditch you, or they just stop talking to you. Me & my cousin are okay now, and I'm still attending his wedding [even against my wishes], but if you don't want unncessary drama, I suggest you keep to yourself.
If you decide that keeping to yourself is too much & you think she needs to hear this for her own good, then tell her. Tell her that you feel she doesn't come around as much and that he might not be good enough for her. However, when you tell her these things; give specific reasons of when she's made plans & ditched, or broken plans, or just made excuses to hang out or else your argument won't be valid. Same deal for reasons why he isn't good enough.
So this is the tossup; you can tell her & hope she understands & hears you out, or you can keep to yourself & avoid an argument. However, if you guys have been friends for a while, she should understand where you're coming from & hopefully she'd do this for you if it ever came down to it. Good luck!
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I can’t tell you exactly what you should do, but I can give you some guidelines. First, this girl is your best friend. Why is telling her how you feel such a big deal? You’ve obviously known her for quite some time, and (should) have had your ups and downs, so just straight up tell her that you don’t appreciate how she’s gaga over some guy and isn’t paying enough attention to you. Then make some lame saying about how friends are forever and guys are temporary are something like that, but that’s optional. Do not tell her that you don’t think he’s good enough for her. Unless he does something that makes him out to be a complete moron and warrants a report to your friend, keep your mouth shut. What you think of him is your own business, and telling your friend that would actually make things worse for you. I suggest spending more time with your other friends. (if you don’t have any others, you’ve got bigger problems than your friend hanging out with her boyfriend) Give your friend some space for awhile and let her hang out with her boyfriend. If he’s really not good enough for her, don’t you think their relationship is going to crumble relatively quickly? Be the best friend you are to her and help her out when it collapses like the Soviet Union. Things will be back to normal and she’ll realize how great a friend you truly are. (expletive removed). So, in conclusion, give your friend time to come around and let the fire cool with her relationship and let her come back to you. Hang out with your other friends more and make your relationships stronger and form some new ones.
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