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I've known this guy for 9 years and I like him, I don't know
25f since i was a junior in high school I've known of this guy, extremely popular, so I was shy around him, we had like a couple conversations while in high school but not much. Then college came and went, I never thought I'd ever get a chance to really know him. But he came back, and is now working as a bouncer at a sportsbar that I go to a lot. We talk now, he teases me, I catch him staring all the time at me, and he doesn't look away when i catch him, we've had one sexual encounter, not sex, but it was 2 years ago, he's always doing things like snatching my cigarette out of my hand so he can get a hit of it, always lurking around whenever I'm sitting with a guy. He's been in my head for 9 years and I know that he's probably not the type to settle down any time soon, and I want to move on, but I can't seem to, because in my mind he's perfect, he's like a God, I feel like I need to have another sexual encounter with him in order for me to see him as just a regular human being, because I need to move on with my life and find someone that does need to settle down, so should I try to seduce him in order to get over him?
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I wouldn't seduce him in over to get over him if I were you.
A person, especially a person we have had sex with, are almost always waaaaaaaaaaaay more complicated then we give them credit for.
So what if you *know* he's not the type to settle down any time soon. Does he know it? Does he see you as some one he could settle with? Does he want something more from you despite your belief that there isn't a possibility of serious attachments forming? Will he get obsessed with you? Clingy? Stalking? Will he expose you to an STD? Will he fall for you? Or think he has? Will you fall for him? Will he ever call? Will you get pregnant? Will he ignore you and pretend it never happened? Will you decide he actually is perfect and ignore it when he is perfectly unfaithful? Or maybe he is the very faithful type. Maybe he’ll be true to you endlessly and you’ll find you don’t really love him and feel trapped in a one-sided relationship!
There are MILLIONs of questions and maybes and you wouldn’t actually be able to answer or figure out most of them.
You never really know another person. Even if you spend everyday of your life with them.
If you are interested in finding out the answer with those what ifs and maybes, then go ahead and try to take this flirtation farther. If you want to know what facts there are behind the fantasy, go for it. If you are curious, explore.
BUT if you already know what answers you want, if you already believe it won’t work, if you don’t want it too work and you just want him out of your head, don’t try and seduce him. It won’t get you what you want. It will only complicate things and get you asking yourself a whole bunch of questions you thought you already had answered.
Although getting to know a person’s faults *seems* like a good idea. It really isn’t. Think of the people you care about the most? They certainly have a ton of faults don’t they?
Faults have to be pretty serious before they help us end a crush
So if you just want over him, don’t fuck him. Just don’t go that bar anymore.
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Although I'm only 16, I've been in a very similar situation, and now I am over the guy, so I think my hindsight might be helpful to you. I barely knew this guy that went to a school in my hometown (I didn't go to that school) but I thought about him all the time. He was very attractive, but very into girls and definitely not the type of guy I would want a serious relationship with. At the beginning of the summer I hung out with him a few times and he flirted with me a lot and one day at a party I had a..as you call it.."sexual encounter." Afterwards I was still obsessed with him but a few days later I left for Europe and was gone for a few weeks but I thought about him during the whole trip and when I came back I wanted to hook up with him again. But I never got a chance to, because I only saw him like once or twice afterwards. Finally, I just focused on other guys and I now have a fling with a guy who is perfect for me, and it helped me get over the first guy fully. Now, I don't get that funny feeling in my stomach whenever I see him or hear his name. So I'd say to just move on and focus on other guys..because hooking up with him again won't provide closure, it will just make you more attached to him.
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