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Being European on the Indian Student Alliance
Hi Razhie! I came across your advice column and really liked your answers. Could you help me out with an unusual dilemma I have? Thanks in advance!
I am a sophomore in college majoring in cultural anthropology and South Asian studies. I want to have a career dealing with South Asian culture so I joined my school's Indian Student Alliance. Because I'm the only European there, the ISA members are less than welcoming. I attend weekly meetings and try to participate but people avoid talking to me and even laugh about me during meetings. I see them between classes too and they whisper about me when I walk past. It really hurts my feelings. Because they know my face I can't fade into the background and hope they forget about me. I don't want to quit the ISA but I'm becoming the laughing stock of the organization. The ISA is entirely student-run so there's no adult there to stop the abuse. What should I do? Please help!
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It's really disgusting to me that among people who should at very least be trying to behave as adults you are seeing this kind of conduct. I wish it was more surprising.
In their defense, this is likely the first time many of these young people have had a cultural organization of this magnitude available to them so it is understandable they look at it more like a club house then a student organization.
My best advice to you would be to try and find yourself a mentor or alley from the group. The trick is a classic one: You really only need one person to accept you and then the others will likely come around. Is there anyone who has made any effort to reach out to you, or at least be pleasant? You might ask them for their advice. They could give you pointers or tell you if they think it’s a lost cause.
Even if no one stands out as a possible alley, consider talking to the student leader of the organization. They might recognize it’s their responsibility to intercede a bit. They might also not realize that and tell you to leave. Even if they said that you wouldn’t be any worse off would you? If it is that sort of people you are dealing with then they only will have said to your face what they were already saying behind your back.
Failing that, is there some sort of way for you to speak to the group at once? A newsletter or forum online? A letter that briefly says you feel unwelcome among them and wish they could view you as a friend who is passionately interested in their culture rather then an outsider who is looking at them like animals in a zoo (I don’t think you are doing that, merely guessing at how they might feel) might at least have some people re-consider their treatment of you. If it illicits the opposite response and you get a whole bunch of comments about this group being ‘just for our kind of people’ then you will know that this particular group is too toxic for you to become a productive member.
Try not to take it so personally. It really does say a great deal more about them then it does about you. If none of my options appeal or you get a very clear ‘Go Away’ message after trying, then it is probably time to ‘let the baby have it’s bottle’ if you will, and leave this group to their ethnic club house.
I hope that lived up to your expectations of me!
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